hello, a few days ago I was almost equaling the longest I have ever gone, which was 12 days. I had gone 11 days without pmo. but when the 12th day came, I don't know what it was, but it had triggered me, then I began to feel negativity which led me to give into temptation. I think what triggered me was something that caused me to isolate myself cos for the past 20 plus years I lived in isolation which gave way for me to walk down the wrong path. I think the daily check ins helped me stay the course. I just hate the reality of being controlled by something that has the ability with my admission, to keep me from being what I am to be in life. I was watching that Sylvester Stallone movie Over The Top where that scene where him and the character Bo Hurley were in the middle of the championship match. I thought about that being the enemy of porn or anything else in life for that matter that can cause problems in our lives. Porn is a giant enemy, an enemy that we must overcome. If porn can be beaten by people then we can beat it ourselves. I think for the sake of myself to keeping focused I am going to do my daily check ins. Even if I do not talk to anyone. This is an enemy I must defeat in my life before my life ends. I am going to have to do more than I have to defeat it, much more than what I am doing now.
I was very triggered last night and it lasted until this morning after I woke up. I was on Reddit looking through a World Politics subreddit which I was sure would be innocent. Someone uploaded a video of her having sex and I turned it off immediately and reported it. Unfortunately, it set off massive urges to watch porn and fap. I honestly was getting overwhelmed. I have had my addiction about 30 years. I was nothing like my family growing up so I learned how to isolate myself from them I was lucky because I was able to observe those massive urges, I was able to do nothing else, and then I was able to say goodbye when the urge left. I have posted this before but to be successful, delete every bit of porn from your computer and phone. Delete every single porn-related bookmark from your computer and phone. Download and install a porn blocker for your computer AND download and install a porn blocker app for your phone. Part of this journey is to take action that will ensure success for you. Last night scared me. I never thought I would get urges to watch porn and fap so strongly.
