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Give yourself a break. Forget about them. Work on yourself. Make yourself a magnet. Believe it or not, they will come to you...
Sorry but suicide is not how you get to heaven. Also, you still have work to do down here. There are people who need you specifically in their lives. If you feel like that, for real, call the Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or chat with them online if ur not in the US (although they may have a phone # for whatever country you're in). If those thoughts keep coming, talk to a doctor, because they can help you. It may be a brain chemistry thing that is out of your control. It may be you simply need to change perspective. I was born and raised in a thirld-world country. I know it's not easy. Enjoy the little things in life, which are priceless anywhere you are, and do your very best under the circumstances. Try to help others can also help you feel better. Come on, we believe you can make a difference.