Hi all, I feel that i've progressed a lot since my rampant years, especially in the last 2 years i've managed to slow down seeking out or engaging in casual sex and one night stands, i've been really content without my previous repetition to pull & seduce women for self-validation and not needing the lad-like 'congratulations' from my friends, which was always celebrated among us as a group (and of course exists everywhere) The one red flag i did find myself doing (still getting a hold on this one, but its improved) was seducing or leading a girl on and then backing out from having sex at the last few minutes, making some excuse or another, and denying them of sleeping with me once they had said they wanted it and 'lets go back to mine / yours' - it was never to the point of being on the bed and denying, but once the words or actions were made from her i was always fairly quick to shut it down & leave. This gave me the validation, rush and contentment of knowing that they wanted to f**k me, but didn't have to go through the actual act of sex, the sometimes awkward first encounter with a stranger, having to wear a condom / not actually feeling any joy.. etc was avoided, which i really don't miss! (clearly!) the red flag that i'm aware of, and have been delving into, is the damage and knock of confidence it may or definitely would have given the women that was trying to have sex with me, and me backing out of it, or 'changing my mind' making an excuse, saying that i was maybe semi-seriously seeing another girl... has anyone else done this, or got into a pattern of something similar? the Anderson Paak lyric ''Cause if I know I can get it, then I've already had it, I'm cool'' popped up one day when i was listening to a song of his and it was interesting to feel how much it resonated with my situation.. that surely it's common amongst some others?
I do this. I try to contact women. I never give them my phone number. I like sexting, I usually use Telgram or Discord for this. I used to think about them and MO but I really love my wife so in my mind I knew I didn’t want to actually go ahead with the deed. I never did. I don’t know if it counts but I have done this a numerous times. I don’t do it anymore.
I feel like its the lesser of two evils, its healthier than going through with the act of sex and keeping your casual sex habits at bay, but also would like to be rid of it completely (the chase, the validation, the confirmation that you're desired)