I have been married to my wife for about 2 1/2 years and I truly love her. I have battled with porn and sex addiction for most of my short life (25yrs old) and she has stuck by me through it all. Right now I'm on day 12 of my reboot journey and mostly I feel great, more energy, focus, etc. Now that its 2016 I have a few goals that I want to accomplish. 2016 Goals: Learn a new language Learn how to play the piano Read more books Crossfit (High intensity circuit workouts) Going Vegan ( Started since Dec. but hasn't been perfect) Finding new hobbies Start a business (Highly thinking about it) And I asked my wife what are her goals and she told me that she doesn't have any. In a way that kind of a turn off for me because I would love to be with someone who goal driven and passionate about something. We are 9 yrs apart (She is 33) and she is a bit overweight and doesn't always make the best food choices. She works her job Mon-Fri and just comes home and relaxes (since she told me thats what she LOVES to do). What should I do? Deep down I love her but I'm not liking the fact that she doesn't have any goals for herself. We don't even have sex on the reg. I need help.
Keep working on yourself...When she notices your efforts, she will come around. It has to be her choice, not yours. Be gentle, No judgement, NO criticizing. Gentleness and love!! I can't stress the importance of being understanding. Overlook her small issues and focus deeply on the things you love about her. When she feels that you adore her, she will adore you again! It takes work my friend. Weeds in a garden. If you don't take out those few weeds, they will suffocate the garden. I wish you and your wife much success. Stay strong! Win!
Ok I will try my hardest. That was my problem, I was judging her so much, even though I wasn't verbally judging her. I will be more understanding because I remember my struggle to get to where I am now and I still have a LONG ways to go haha. She is a good hearted woman and she does good things for my son and I. Thank you Taqwa!
You are most welcome brother. I did the exact same thing. Once I got out of myself and started having a little more empathy, magical things began to happen. She will surprise you. Also, when you focus on her good qualities, it will instill more gratitude in your heart. More gratitude = more happiness. What is stress/anxiety? When what you expect is different from reality. Don't resist what is. This does not mean to not try to improve. Learn to live more in the present and see things as they are. I guarantee, if you do this, you will be a happy man!
Maybe I should have but in my earlier journey when we were just dating, I too didn't have any real goals at the time but a few years down the road I have connected with people who showed me that how to set and achieve goals to better myself as a person. Maybe my wife had goals and dreams in the past and she just stopped goal setting and dream I don't know. But I know that in time she will find herself again and do the the things that she once did.
Drive towards goals is a very masculine endeavor and clearly your wife is not masculine! In our society we place value on masculine traits like drive and ambition and so as a woman you can feel "lazy" if you are very feminine because you don't naturally feel that way. Of course there are lots of masculine women but it doesn't sound like you are married to one. I would try to accept her for the feminine woman she is and look at her good feminine qualities. Is she caring and nurturing for example. As a masculine man it is your duty to have the drive and ambition and steer your family in the right direction.
Well said! That was profound and deeply insightful! May you and your family have much success. Please keep sharing from that wonderful brain and heart of yours! God bless. Stay strong! Win!
Read "the way of the superior man" great insights on women as well, if she has a more feminine core then love is more important to her than goals and taking action and wanting to achieve something big in life. Don't assume women are the save as men also.