So i gave up eating pork more than year and half ago, maybe it's two years already. I did it because of religious and health purposes and because i started to realize how bad pork is. I mean i totally hated eating pork, I decided that's it, no more pork for life.. Until today, today i gathered with some friends of mine and we went to have grill somewhere in the woods above the city. And they knew that i don't eat pork, in the last year and half i was very cautious and careful not to eat something that has pork in it. But today i was so lightheaded and uncareful, i knew that what i am eating was pork, i knew it very well, and i thought, it's not a big deal, what so much ?? And i ate it, knowing i shouldn't, realizing it. It was a grilled meat stick and a piece of pork neck steak. THE LATTER HAD TERRIBLE TASTE ... NOW IT'S BEEN 4 HOURS SINCE THIS HAPPENED, AND I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH, I KNOW I COULD CHOOSE TO NOT EAT IT, BUT I WAS STUPID ENOUGH THAT I ALLOWED MYSELF TO EAT IT, I COULD PREVENT IT. THIS THING FEELS LIKE RELAPSING TO ME, IT'S THE SAME DISAPPOINTMENT THAT USED TO HIT ME WHEN I USED TO RELAPSE. TERRIBLE. I HAVE BIG REGRETS, I AM DISAPPOINTED FROM MYSELF, I HAD MADE IT SO MUCH TIME WITHOUT ANY PORK, AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN I CONSUMED IT AGAIN. IT TOTALLY FEELS LIKE RELAPSING. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT IT'S LIKE THIS FEELING : SO MUCH EFFORT AND TIME, JUST FOR ONE STUPID MISTAKE, AND IT ALL GOES IN VAIN. And it's like now i am on day 0 of abstaining from pork. I wish i could go back in time and fix my mistake. I know to you it may not be something big, but i just feel like i have F@#$D UP big time. I feel very vulnerable now, since i couldn't control what i eat, how can i have control over other things in me now ??? I feel dirty from the inside. Now i have the meat of this dirty animal inside my body ... It's like i am not the same man now. Tell me what you think, PLEASE !!
Your suffering sounds extreme for just eating a piece of meat. I think a lot of psychological energy and repeated, reinforced perception against it cause you the majority of your angst. Oink!
It's forbidden to eat pork in my religion also. If u regret eating pork its a good sign that u fear God. Just repent to God, god will forgive u...