2 years and 2 months...in peace

HopeFaith · Oct 25, 2016

fluets said: ↑

This is a beautiful journey! Reading it spoke and resonated volumes with me.

I have been obsessed about abstaining and regressing my thoughts and feelings and trying to suppress my urges for the past 3 years to defeat this addiction. Every time i reach some sort of level of success that i measure by day count i just end up falling backwards into pmo. I relapse and start all over again.

Every time i feel like its going to be the last time, 'this is it' and in the back of my mind i tell myself 'no, this isn't it... lets fall back to my vices'..

I have been stuck on a loop all this time because I've been avoiding making any real significant changes to my life to address my problems, concerns, fears and desires. For years i felt unworthy, unattractive, uninteresting, useless as an introvert person that's filled with anxiety, no real friends, and no real people that consider me their friend. Each time i set out on beating out specific habits that have negative impact on my life, i end up relapsing.. I feel like i am losing my time here on this planet and prolonging this journey more than i need to.. i lie to myself all the time..
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Well, it is not about self hating yourself and then self extinguishing at the end. Recovery journey is all about learning how to truly self love and accept all of you: your faults, past mistakes. Addiction is a symptom of lack of self love. It happens as a result of growing up not being truly seen, loved, emotionally neglected or abused. So to recover you need to learn what has been lacking in your life. It is all about learning how to forgive ourselves and having self compassion for who we are as people. It is about learning how we feel and accept our feelings rather than runing away from them. It is about accepting our desires and not constantly fighting ourselves. It is about welcoming our feelings and thoughts and not constantly fighting parts of who we are. Once we learn that, our world will change as we would go about our days looking after ourselves with love and tenderness.

It is up to you to make your life meaningful and make your days count. You can do with your days what ever you want to and bring a positive change in this world. You can decide to continue to self criticise or you can decide that you are willing to brake out of the paterns of negativity, give yourself a brake and actualy start anjoying your days here. I know it is hard to do. But this is the only way out of this self abusing and self neglecting and self belittling cyckle addiction is. We need to learn how to be trully self loving, self accepting and happy. We need to learn how to connect with other people in a giving and non jugemental way.

You see, we are what we have learned, experienced and how we interpreted the world. If your life experiences were loving, accepting, full meaning, then most likely you would not be here. But you are here, and I am here and this is a time when we rewire our negative brain circuits and direct ourselfes into light, wellness, happiness, self forgiveness, self acceptances, self worth, confidence and positive future. This is self healing and recovery.

Deleted Account · Oct 28, 2016

HopeFaith said: ↑

You see, we are what we have learned, experienced and how we interpreted the world. If your life experiences were loving, accepting, full of love and meaning, then most likely you would not be here. But you are here, and I am here and this is a time when we rewire our negative brain circuits and direct ourselfes into light, wellness, hapiness, self forgiveness, self acceptances, self worth, confidence and positive future. This is self healing and recovery.
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very nicely said, dont wanna hijack this journal but if we can all learn to hate then we can all learn to love and overcome our fears, problems and worries. The biggest fear is knowing that we are addicted, that there is something wrong with us, but the biggest beneficiary is communities like NoFap that show we're not alone.

Sam@89 · Oct 28, 2016

Chastity is joyful said: ↑

Hey there,

I don't know why but NoFap has deleted my counter. I am more than 500 days now without PMO, and I feel great! My goal is to keep living smoothly without urges as I have been living since almost 6 months now. The summer was not very hard to pass, even if now and then I would have some bad thoughts about girls in the beach. Pray would help me a lot and talking about the problem with older persons gave me strenght to keep going. I can't say it was all calm waters, but I am now much more balanced. The other day I was seeing a Documentary about the business of Porn Industry and all of a sudden, it appeared a sex scene...and it didn't triggered me at all. I just fast forward the documentary and that's it...I felt normal not to watch two persons doing those obscenities, it was degrading. I feel much more free now, to love other people. The idea of counting the days is not good when we focus on packing days instead of changing our hearts and minds. I guess in the first days it can be good to get some extra boost in our confidence, but we will get to a point that it turns out to be very dull to come here day by day and we feel that we are stuck in the 100's or 200's days. So don't live by counting days, live to understand your triggers, help others on your daily life and put true Love in everything you do.

God Bless you!!
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The monster has always gotten me too.For the last 5 years I'm fighting it.With every time it has fooled with something new I've become more weaker.I don't even know if I've the abilities to walk again
9 days ago I accidentally found this community. I'm 9 days clean.I know peope have relapse and they start again.I don't think that would work for me.If i do it today, I'm going to masterbate more than over 20 times in next 24 hour and it will take another year to be able to Stat again.
I don't want to go there again.I've made it to 9 days which is the longest streak I've had.I was really active here all this time and I literally have no urges.I would want to be more self controlled so I've decided to come here less often now.
I really related with you.It would be so much for me if you keep in touch with me in person messages and guide me into the right path.I'm on the right path.I just need a hand to keep moving because I'm scared the monster will get me.
I will always be thankful to you.

Paleblood · Nov 3, 2016

Chastity is joyful said: ↑

“There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.”
S. Pope John Paul II
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Great quote

Chastity is joyful · Jul 10, 2017

I don't write here for a long time now. Maybe for more than a year. I was feeling that I was trying to live up to other's expectations. And I was getting full of pride for the great reviews I was getting. I felt this pride was not right. I should have felt humbled and not with a bigger ego. After all we are here struggling to get to the same goal. Some people have it easier than others but we are here to help one another.

I don't count the days because it does not make sense for me to do so. But I really value those persons who are trying really hard to get out of the addiction and take the day's counting really seriously. I have been there and I know how difficult it is to do even seven days in a row and then relapse...and think that all the effort was lost, and the fight seems too big to be fought for us all alone. And those who think like that are right. It is true. We need all the help we can get from those we can pick up along the way in order to be successful in this rough adventure. We all have broken pieces which can't be put together if we refuse to accept other's help, even in the strangest forms that they might appear. The greatest gift we can have is humbleness. All other virtues we have are enlarged if we are humble.

I know what I will say next will might sound loopy in this crazy world we live in, full of gadgets, and drones, and technology, but I think our societies are departing from what is really important and meaningful for us. The world we live in is full of "fast pleasures" that are made for "numbimg" us out of what really matters. We start to live for little things because our eyes can't see beyond. We aspire to have a good car, a good house, and a family. Don't get me wrong, all these things are great. All I am saying is that these things are not enough for us to feel complete. We are made for Eternity (I warned this would sound loopy). As we get older (this is my personal experience), we find out that we are eager to start making money and to behave like adults. Unfortunately, our society makes us want to grow too fast. We want to live it all, and we are drowned in sensations and stimulus for every side. We are like little kids in a candy shop that is full of bright colors and sweets, and we need to try them all. But most of these sweets have a bitter or sour taste at the end. They seemed so good at the beginning, why do they don't feel that tasty now? But we feel that maybe these flavors were not the right ones because we were not ready for them yet...So we re-try them several times later but we get the same bitter taste at the end. This is what happens with Masturbation and Pornography and Over-sexualized relationships. Sexuality is the greatest gift that was given to us. If we didn't use it correctly, we will feel completely lost...and we will start to compensate with other addictions, or we get more addicted to Pornography and all kinds of Sexuality that we built to fill the void we wanted to initially fill with colorful and tasty sweets. It is really difficult to have a balanced sexual life in the days we live in. When we try to detach sex from real Love we start to live in this problem: “There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.” S. Pope John Paul II.

Whenever we start to eliminate other's people dignity from our relationships, we start to get all sort of imbalances in our life.

Porn does not attract me anymore, I feel free from it...maybe because I just have consumed it too much during my adolescence, I don't know. I am currently 2 years and some months without Masturbation. I have looked at some Porn in the last months but I didn't feel "aroused" at all. I have some bad thoughts from times to times but I just try not to pay them too much attention.

iWILL123 · Jul 10, 2017

Chastity is joyful said: ↑

I don't write here for a long time now. Maybe for more than a year. I was feeling that I was trying to live up to other's expectations. And I was getting full of pride for the great reviews I was getting. I felt this pride was not right. I should have felt humbled and not with a bigger ego. After all we are here struggling to get to the same goal. Some people have it easier than others but we are here to help one another.

I don't count the days because it does not make sense for me to do so. But I really value those persons who are trying really hard to get out of the addiction and take the day's counting really seriously. I have been there and I know how difficult it is to do even seven days in a row and then relapse...and think that all the effort was lost, and the fight seems too big to be fought for us all alone. And those who think like that are right. It is true. We need all the help we can get from those we can pick up along the way in order to be successful in this rough adventure. We all have broken pieces which can't be put together if we refuse to accept other's help, even in the strangest forms that they might appear. The greatest gift we can have is humbleness. All other virtues we have are enlarged if we are humble.

I know what I will say next will might sound loopy in this crazy world we live in, full of gadgets, and drones, and technology, but I think our societies are departing from what is really important and meaningful for us. The world we live in is full of "fast pleasures" that are made for "numbimg" us out of what really matters. We start to live for little things because our eyes can't see beyond. We aspire to have a good car, a good house, and a family. Don't get me wrong, all these things are great. All I am saying is that these things are not enough for us to feel complete. We are made for Eternity (I warned this would sound loopy). As we get older (this is my personal experience), we find out that we are eager to start making money and to behave like adults. Unfortunately, our society makes us want to grow too fast. We want to live it all, and we are drowned in sensations and stimulus for every side. We are like little kids in a candy shop that is full of bright colors and sweets, and we need to try them all. But most of these sweets have a bitter or sour taste at the end. They seemed so good at the beginning, why do they don't feel that tasty now? But we feel that maybe these flavors were not the right ones because we were not ready for them yet...So we re-try them several times later but we get the same bitter taste at the end. This is what happens with Masturbation and Pornography and Over-sexualized relationships. Sexuality is the greatest gift that was given to us. If we didn't use it correctly, we will feel completely lost...and we will start to compensate with other addictions, or we get more addicted to Pornography and all kinds of Sexuality that we built to fill the void we wanted to initially fill with colorful and tasty sweets. It is really difficult to have a balanced sexual life in the days we live in. When we try to detach sex from real Love we start to live in this problem: “There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.” S. Pope John Paul II.

Whenever we start to eliminate other's people dignity from our relationships, we start to get all sort of imbalances in our life.

Porn does not attract me anymore, I feel free from it...maybe because I just have consumed it too much during my adolescence, I don't know. I am currently 2 years and some months without Masturbation. I have looked at some Porn in the last months but I didn't feel "aroused" at all. I have some bad thoughts from times to times but I just try not to pay them too much attention.

Click to expand...

Amazing bro! Keep it up and don't look at porn, even to test yourself. It is very dangerous. You must keep your guard up at all times.

"I know how difficult it is to do even seven days in a row and then relapse...and think that all the effort was lost, and the fight seems too big to be fought for us all alone. And those who think like that are right. It is true. We need all the help we can get from those we can pick up along the way in order to be successful in this rough adventure."
Truth, well said.

Rey Rey · Jul 10, 2017

How amazing and so encouraging i am so uplifted and i believe that i can now. Congratulations man.

Powerous · Jul 10, 2017

Amazing story bother, I relate to this on so many levels. I want to have a stronger and healthier relationship with me and my creator, PMO is absolutely the major barrier that has slowed me down on so many levels since I was 13. I've been addicted for 8 years and it has been really depressing, stories like this motivate me to keep going and never lose faith no matter what!

Ali_naqvi09 · Nov 9, 2017

Woah 2 years is so long!!!

I'm so motivated and I can't wait to reach that mark hopefully one day!!

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2 years and 2 months...in peace

HopeFaith Fapstronaut

Deleted Account Guest

Sam@89 Fapstronaut

Paleblood Fapstronaut

Chastity is joyful Fapstronaut

iWILL123 Fapstronaut

Rey Rey Fapstronaut

Powerous Fapstronaut

Ali_naqvi09 Fapstronaut

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