At first, I was going to steer clear of this blog for a few days. Then I decided nope, I'm going to take my chastising like a man. The grave announcement I have to make is that I relapsed tonight. I have no excuse for this disgrace other than to say that anxiety has been a big trigger of mine in the past. I guess the anxiety I've been feeling recently got the better of me tonight. I know I shouldn't have done it but I caved in the pressure. My behavior tonight was totally inexcusable! I broke a commitment that I not only made to myself, but to all of you as well. I deserve every bit of ass chewing I have coming!!! I let you down brothers, and worst of all I totally let myself down. 28 days right down the friggin drain. If there are any newbies currently reading this right now, and you are thinking about caving in and quitting like I just did, "DON'T DO IT!!!" I totally not worth it! Just an hour ago I was so energized and strong, now I'm depressed, drained and anguished at the thought of having to start over again. I am completely ashamed of myself. All I can say is don't get complacent with this challenge, You've got to keep your nose to the grindstone every minute. Another thing I can say is, I am extremely grateful for the 28 days of serenity I did have, It was fantastic. I surprised myself by actually going that long. I remember telling a fellow fapster on this blog not too long ago that "Success comes not in never having fallen, but in getting up every time that you fall!" I really wish I hadn't done this, but as they say "hindsight is always 20/20." Well, just as soon as I establish a new counter. I've got another hard apology to make, and that one is to my Lord and Savior. Once again I'm so very very sorry and ashamed that I let all of you down, I really really am! It is my fondest hope that in time you will all find it in your heart to forgive me, and eventually give me another chance. I know that my Lord has forgiven me, and in so doing I must also forgive myself. Sorry for the long winded thread here, there was just a whole lot of stuff I had to really get off my chest. I want to thank you all for all of your kind and loving support that you've shown me, and once again I'm sorry!
I dutifully chastise you and ask you to do the same for me should the dreadful occasion arise. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us" -Hebrew 12:1
Follow your own advise and you will be fine, "Success comes not in never having fallen, but in getting up every time that you fall!" Look back at the 28-days of your success and be proud, now don't look back anymore. Time to move forward with succeeding one-day-at-a-time. You will succeed! Don't concentrate on the fail, think of the success that you have right now and in the future. Good luck, stay strong.
