Hi PA, My husband says he has been completely P free for 30 days after about 13 years of PA. He says he has had 0 yes zero urges to look at P. Please help me understand how that could be possible or if it's just another lie... He's not in flateline because he tells me about his morning woods
I'm also at day 30, no urges for p, as well no libido, dead dick at the moment. I'd say it is a common condition for some people at this stage. But things can change day by day. What i experience is called flatline.
I'd say it is indeed possible (I've been porn free over three months, the last month and a half without appetite for it). But since you're here and he's not, I should probably ask if he is actively engaged in leaving porn or is he just holding his hands above the waistline and hoping for the best? I mean, I hope you're not the one doing the recovery research for him and he just thinks it's a tic that will leave once he doesn't do for some time. If he is not doing anything beyond just abstaining from it I believe that sooner or later he'll have a familiar knock on his door and absolutely nothing to answer to counter the offer he'll get from his mind on the other side of it. Compared to trying to live a gluten-free life and just abstaining from gluten this is more of a psychological war. He should be training hard for when that happens.
He's also an alcoholic so he started going to AA meetings to help with his addictions. I understand they are different. He has gone to a psychologist 2 times since he confessed, reading the bible a lot, he told some of his church men group he has been looking at porn and seperated from his wife. I do not believe he has confessed the truth of the beast to them. and yes unfortunately i have done most the research, printed workbooks for him and he has done nothing with them. I see some small strives but not enough. I told him to make a plan he says his plan is to pray and call his wife. I have much doubt
Fyi...he has been alcohol free for a year, apparently just increased his PA during that year instead of truly dealing with alcoholism/his addictions.
My journey is here.. i would love feedback from PAs. I feel I'm getting little from my husband. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-lonely-wife-of-pa-spouse.107067/
I've been porn free 60 days, but have lapsed numerous times with masturbation and fantasizing. I'm still working on it obviously. Initially, I had high porn urges, and had my first lapse of masturbating at 35 days, since then my porn urges have been almost non-existent.
Let him lie to himself, but don't let him lie to you. Support and love him if that's what you want to do, but don't invest too much in the outcome because this is probably the most personal of problems/addictions. Addiction is a compulsive disorder that overwhelms a person and takes over their lives. It will say and do everything and anything to perpetuate itself. So the fact that he says he hasn't had any urges is a lie, or a way to keep his personal life private. Either way, you have to respect the man and his addiction. You don't have control over either. Whether he's lying or not, it's his problem to deal with it.
Agree it's his problem but as his wife I hoped he would have realized the pain lying and being deceitful has caused on our relationship and stop lying. The cat is already out of the bag and I've been supportive. Open and honesty was supposed to be the new motto.