It's a part of me that is still carnal. St. Paul called it "the flesh". It's a part of myself that is like an animal. If you feed it by viewing pornography, it can become incredibly strong and aggressive. If you starve the flesh by fasting and other devotional things, it can become weak. I try to resist the flesh as much as I can. The other day I was watching a UFC event and I had to avert my eyes at certain times in order to avoid falling into lust. When I am having lustful thoughts, I am fully conscious of what I am doing, so I have no excuse.
I am aware of my actions but I just don't care, I get violent, destructive, guilt ridden, I just have 0 cares, I hate being in that mind set nothing good comes of it.
It´s not me, I realized this subconsciously after the first few days after I started it, it was pure Passion and "Ego", there was no room for Compassion, thats why I have to stop it.
After giving in, i return to "normal", absent of all previous desires and urges but full of guilt, shame and remorse. My ideal self is a non-sexually motivated person. Primal lust begins to fester and sin nature begins taking over, pushing my real self into the background as i watch myself eventually fall.
I mostly feel tired and with a sugar craving, but if it´s during study for a Exam I feel like shit afterwards.
There's a term for this - cumbrain. It means that your ability to reason is hindered by your sexual arousal. I don't know if it's philosophically sound to say that you "aren't" you when you're horny, but for a lot of people, their decisions and behavior are a lot different.