I've wasted so much time

I'm 30 years old. I will be turning 31 in a couple weeks. I think started watching porn regularly when I was around 18 years old after moving out of my parents house. In the almost 13 years of watching porn I've wasted countless of hours. I think now of what a better person I could be had I spent my time more productively. Knowing what I know now, I think I also would have struggled less with anxiety and depression had I never watched porn.

I like to read and learn new things. I especially enjoy studying history. Now that I'm giving up porn I hope to finally catch up on all the reading that I have been putting off over the years.

I also enjoy excise. I lift weights. My favorite exercise is the deadlift. I finally reached a personal record of a 305 pound deadlift. I hope to focus more on lifting now that I am giving up porn. I know that my workouts are always best if I haven't masturbated or stayed up late the night before watching porn. I also have found that lifting weights gives me a natural high that makes me not desire porn as much.

In summary, I hoping to be more productive, have greater mental focus that I can put towards increasing my knowledge, and to feel better physically so that I can gain strength and vitality now that I am no longer watching or masturbating to porn.

 

I think the biggest thing is that I have finally acknowledged that I have an addiction and that porn causes real harm. That's a real important step. I've watched several videos on the harm porn causes to the brain and I have a much better understanding of it. I will replace the time I used to spend watching and masturbating to porn with more productive hobbies. I find that lifting weights helps me stay clean better than anything else I do because it releases natural endorphins. I don't usually crave a PMO session on the nights that I lift weights. I'm going to read more. I am going to spend time learning microsoft excel better which is important for the job I started in March.

I want to change more than I ever have before. I'm tired of anxiety, depression, being tired all of the time because of staying up late watching porn. I'm working in a more challenging and rewarding job than I have in the past, and I know that my performance suffers after staying up all night watching porn. Previous jobs I've had I could afford to just make up for lost productivity later. I just want to be a better person. I have more important things to live for.