I'm heavy porn user. I have been fapping from the last 18-19 yrs almost every day. My addiction to PMO fucked up my life. I have very low self-esteem, I don't have enough confidence because I can get the erection while watching porn but not with women, that's why I never had a meaningful relationship with women. It sucks! I had suicidal thoughts for this reason. I feel like I wasted my life. Now I have to stop this addiction. I have to! I'm on day 4 of Nofap. I will post my experiences and if it's making any differences.
While it may feel like an eternity slow progression is still awesome. I've had suicidal thoughts in the past for the same reason and the truth is that it's always a day to day battle, slowly changing habits and having support here is good. I believe you can do this and perhaps as you abstain you discover you can get an erection with women. I'm not a doctor but I've read on other forums it may be a case of PIED.
yesterday and day before yesterday I was feeling the surge of energy, I felt restless but the feeling was positive. I wanted to masturbate but could able to control myself. Today I feel down, depressive and empty.
Day 21, everything will become everything. The past won't be an issue. Please remember that your feelings of self hatred, ashamed of masturbation are all bullshit stemming from the addiction. You arent fucked up. Masturbation causes depression, lack of confidence, zombification. Porn is the salt in the wound. Heres what: Destroy any collection of porn. Take a cold shower then walk through nature. Set up filters on your devices. Delete/trash any porn account online. Urges will be a bitch but remember NOT 1 STEP BACK.
We all wasted our life on PMO , and we are here to help each other , please keep moving never give up..
***TRIGGER WARNING*** [Btw how do you add the cool button thingy?] I'm a week into my reboot and beginning to find odd things funny... I saw your reference to "heavy porn" and immediately felt proud of myself that in all my years of porn abuse at least I'd never got into that particular genre. I saw it as the umbrella term for BBW and related fetishes. ***/*** Is this change just a part of the mind re-wiring or is it permanent?
This is me and I've had women in my life. Hang in there. We all experience anxiety at times. We all get butterflies, but its about getting them to fly into formation.
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You're only 31. If you were here talking about this at 81, maybe then you could say you'd wasted your life. But you've got decades of freedom ahead of you if you can get brutally honest with yourself, with others, and attack this issue head-on. 31 was nine years ago for me. How I wish I could say I was sitting here with nine years of sobriety under my belt ....
Last week I wrote in my journal I wanna share with you guys. "Feeling very lonely and regretting my mistakes I've done. But I couldn't able to forgive myself for my mistakes. Would I ever come out of this? Looks impossible. These regrets are killing me. When I look back all I find just mistakes, stupidity, fears, missed opportunities that's it. From outside I look okay but from inside I'm burning with pain. I keep experience same feelings over and over. My fears, my nervousness, and my addiction to masturbation blocked me. I couldn't break it. I really like her but couldn't able to talk to her, I had the feeling that because of my PMO addiction I wouldn't able to satisfy her so I think I don't deserve her because I don't have that confidence but still... I feel like I should've tried, I should've talked to her, it was the first time in my life when I liked a girl and she also liked me back.. but I missed it. This is me! When I was a kid I was very skinny, weak so in school, I got bullied and beaten up in school. I had zero self-confidence. I desired girls but got rejected every time pretty badly, it happened many times, got rejected several times throughout my college years. I carry these painful memories. I never lived my life fully. I lived in the mental cage. All I wanted to enjoy life."
i dont think you've wasted ur entire life. there must be some good incidents/memories. maybe of childhood. when u hung out with friends in childhood when u went to college when u played pranks in school when u chatted with a girl first time there must be some good incidents i dont think anyone lives their life to 100% nor does anyone waste 100% of their lives.
I think you are right. All those things happened in my life were trying to shake me up and telling me to take charge of my life, consciously eliminate negative habits like PMO. I never had a girlfriend, To be honest, I'm trying to improve just for myself. I just wanna feel good with someone or without someone.
Everyday is a new day. Everyday you can choose to be the old you or the new you who is going to face up to your pain and reconnect to your heart. When we operate from a place lacking in love, everything sucks. But if you reestablish love in your heart, everything will become meaningful and beutiful. All you need to decide is to heal your heart at all cost. Your body and relationships and your wellbeing will follow.