Here's some background on me. Got first presented porn at 5, and where I grew up, it was seen as not a big deal so it was everywhere. At friends homes in the open in some cases, etc. Friends had videos that were shared starting in 7th grade, though I'd seen a lot of magazines before then. Not sure how common this all is, but 5 still seemed young to be exposed. I've worried for a long time if it "broke" my brain. I got clean for a while before leaving on a religious mission for my church, and was able to stay away from it for a few years (like 19-24). I fell back into the cycle after learning that I was really good at researching information online during an internship. It started as work for a project, and some pictures accidentally came up. That "feeling" came back, and soon enough I was researching at home and looking for more--chasing the rabbit down the hole, if you will. I've talked to several ecclesiastical leaders, and after a lot of wrestling and swallowing my pride, I let my wife in on the problem I was having. It devastated her at first, but we've gotten much better at speaking about it. I'm hoping this will be full commitment to break some cycles that happen in my life. I'm 39 (male) and hoping that by 40 I can more permanently put this behind me... though I know I'll always have to "walk on the other side of the street from the bar." Not sure about finding an accountability partner, but I'm interested in finding one. No idea how that works within the forum.
I would believe "First time NoFap," but it sounds like you've had some experience with fapping. It can be put behind you, and this is a good place to get encouragement, support, and resources. Churches could learn something from this community. This is not a museum for saints. We are all here, because we are not happy with our behavior. We are all working to improve, and we are encouraging each other to do better. I hope you will be able to complete your reboot and enjoy a long fruitful life that you can be proud of.
Thank you for the encouragement. That's what I'm hoping to find. I've been lucky about the church I attend and the ecclesiastical leaders I've had, but frankly, I need something more day-to-day. I'm coming here as a hope that I can get help here, and maybe avoid attending an in-person group, though I'm keeping that option open too. I know I'm not alone in wanting to get this habit behind them. Thank you again. Very kind and appreciated.
Instead of looking for a break your habit face to face group, you might consider looking for a group that will feed your good wolf, something that could help you become what you dream of being. With a strong interest, you will have weaker urges to relapse.
There's a forum here for finding accountability partners. Have you also checked out the special interest groups. If you got fluent in another language, you night find a group or at least threads in that language that would let you sort of continue your mission.
Thank you @HappyDaysAreHereAgain. I've got a couple AP's I'm working with now. Both seem to be working out well.
Hey! If you haven't yet, try to record your feelings somehow, like in a journal. If you read back on them, I found it helps for whenever relapses or resets occur.
Thank you @MLMVSS. I've been doing that on pornhelp.org actually. Feels good to put things down on paper. Appreciate the support!
