M without P

Not having it in mind would be preposterous at best. And while I too find that people tend to overemphasize their own point of view and experience, one has to keep in mind that it's the best they (we) know - it is therefore a normal posture for them to present them in such fashion.

We should be glad to :
1- have various people sharing various experiences to the best of their knowledge without being forced to do so and to
2- be able to use our own critical thinking to distillate the essence of what's being presented to us, instead of coming here looking for a ready-to-go product that would instantaneously and indefinitely expurge our suffering (without lifing a finger).

Again, those who come here with this mindset are disappointed, and often go through a eureka phase where they realize that "to change" is verb that requires one's action and involvement. Such is "to understand".
In definitive, we agree


Back to the topic of M without P having the same effects than P or not : (there's no simple answer)

Your brain will release dopamine and other neurotransmitters when you M, and a lot of it when you O. P has an ever stronger dopamine release potential, since it's (well) made especially for this. We here all know how well this industry caters to every need, to push just the right button that nothing else (seemingly) could achieve.

Same thing as with everything that you find pleasurable in your life - food, drinks, sports, music, movies, getting your finger caught in a door hinge (kidding), etc. Though when you look at these things you find pleasurable, how often do you go for them? Right, not so often during a day, some you can even skip for weeks. With M, the problem is that it's readily accessible anytime since you (unless something terrible happened) have your hands with you at all times, and privacy can be found in most places (unless you live in a penitentiary or in your sister's couch). Therefore the risk of using too much of M (out of boredom, sheer pleasure, frustration, etc) is very real compared to say, snorting 2g of *insert drug here* everyday, which financial cost you probably won't be able to afford for long, or running 35km per day, which physical cost you can't afford for long either, etc etc.

The real problem comes from the neural structures that the habit of P (or M or anything else) creates. We're biological entities at some level, and our brain creates structures that reinforces the useful behaviors/actions. For example, you like sugar because your body makes immediate use of it and doesn't have to scrape it off of long vegetal molecules that takes effort for your body to disassemble. So your body is like "sugar? me like (because i'm fucking lazy)." Those structures help influence our behaviors, and it's been proven that the more you accomplish an action, the more this action is easily doable (and has a better appeal to it) - you're optimizing your brian for it. (Hello training). Unfortunately, the brain has no stop sign, and can severly unbalance the importance of some of these neural pathways. Liking sugar is one thing, thinking that you need 2 litres of ice cream on your couch every night is quite another. (Hint: your body doesn't). Results being, your behavior changes because "I like sugar" took an overwhelming role in your life, and in your diet. These are urges we're talking about, the same thing that happens to us when we feel like using P, or M, or whatever else that has been unbalanced in our behavioral patterns.

I know that I'm not safe considering my M urges as normal, since I hijacked my brain reward system with it for more than 25 years, and these neural pathways are still there, and always will be. Neural pathways don't disappear, they just stop being active (if we stop using them) - ready to be reactivated in an instant, in full force. Know the neural pathways that make you act/think against your will, and decide what you want to do with it. You're the one in control.

Getting rid of P is no simple move, nor is it brushed off easily. Getting rid of P and M at the same time is even harder (it's not called the "HardMode" though the community without reason), and some (I know I have) have failed at Hardmode while the occasional MO allowed them to get away from P, change habits, renew behaviors, reconnect with life, shatter anxiety, weave social interactions, and get over this shitty period of their lives. It's not piece of cake either, because we're walking on thin ice, M being what it is and our mental setups being what they are.

All the best

 

You may be different but I dated a PMO addict and I wanted to have sex daily and initiated he preferred porn and there are countless other women in the same boat. So his decision to pmo had nothing to do with me turning him down.

 

Well I hope I can find somebody who will initiate more often in my next relationship. It becomes a little annoying when one person is putting forth the effort most of the time. Self-esteem takes a hit and I felt like a pest because I was horny so often. About 2/3rds of the time my partner would also orgasm so it's not like it was one-sided. O well.

 

Well said!

 

You are trying to find a reason to M.No it's not ok.