new to noFap - quite old to PMO addiction

hello all,

I am new here. I am having great hopes to recover here because this is the first portal i have come across (well since past 20 years of watching porn)(i m 34 and i feel addicted PMO since 14 . really.) that has ecouraged me enough that lead me to quit M in between otherwise it only took some catastrophe to stop me in between.
Though i am married and have 1 kid too and from the outside looks like a normal person but i very very strongly feel the bad effects of PMO. e.g. screwed social life, i dont like to party simply because i dont have energy left after PMO, so i dont have friends who would wish to spend a time with me, i dont laugh because of too much draining out myself ( when i dont drain i feel my laugh coming back to me), very poor self esteem , i always put myself on the back seat hiding behind the couch of humility ( i attribute this to PMO becos when i dont feel strong i hide under humbleness), i dont look very confident when i give any speeches , i get feedback on face that i look nervous ( i attribute this to PMO becos i tend to feel more confident naturally when i dont PMO which happens very rarely - due to any catastrophe or some big events in life ), i have no "me" time really though others think i do ! becos i tend to PMO inside closed room. I have tried to stop myself many times but have ALWAYS relapsed im no more than 7 days so i dont even know what it feels like to be away from PMO for a good number of days. i always end up regretting it. i prefer not commenting on my sex life as that seems to be fine in hiccups and has some issues i may bring up in later posts.
for now i m looking to start my journey with u guys and derive some positive results!

thanks!

 

thanks for acknowledging . yesterday i started a streak for PM , and from today i am just getting lot of cues. i wonder when my brain will be cleansed of all thoughts that bring this.

 

i cant even explain how relieving and encouraging it is to find you guys here and to know i am not alone in this struggle. A painful realisation that occured to me recently is that i had never realised it was an addiction until after soo many years i started looking back and draw the graph. so this is my first concious step to counter this. i look so normal from a birds eye view.
thank you all people out here!