Sexual Orientation Confusion

I am going through process of putting together my sexual history in therapy and was surprised to recall the number of same sex contacts i have had. All were anonymous and i have been heterosexual for all my life too, but it makes me wonder if I am bisexual and wondering if there is some way to find out? I do not feel physically or emotionally attracted to a man in public at all. But the temptation of being with a man privately and anonymously seems to be a pattern for me.

 

Getting away from the porn will help you better under yourself. Therapy will as well.
I decided last year that I was bisexual after struggling with SSA most of my life. After hooking up a couple of times I found this place.
I’m realizing my SSA is at its worst when I am feeling inadequate in my masculinity. Like I need a man’s acceptance emotionally and physically.
I’m not taking on a label right now. Just realizing that SSA is a part of my personality and that I don’t have to give in to it.
JQ

 

What exactly is SSA? Still learning all about these topics

 

SSA stands for Same Sex Attraction. It’s a blanket term that covers lots of types of attraction to those of the same sex.
For me it’s played out as physical sexual attraction as well as a romantic/love attraction in a few cases.

 

@Mitchell1701

I'm a bit concerned about the term "SSA" (same sex attraction).

The reason for this is that SSA is frequently stated as SSAD (same sex attraction disorder). This is a bogus and made up psychological problem used to describe being gay.

By adding the "D" for "disorder" to SSA, anti-gay homophobes have an excuse to bash gay men and women. After all, it's not a normal biological difference in humans, it's a disorder. That kind of thinking is not supported by science nor medicine.

@Mitchell1701 if you are attracted to women you are straight. Getting anonymous sex a few times from a guy doesn't make you gay or bi.

NoFap's homepage states:

"NoFap® is a comprehensive sexual health platform.
We’re here to help you quit porn, improve your relationships, and reach your sexual health goals. Science-based, secular, and sex-positive."

Notice the "Science-based" and "secular". This is another problem I have with the term "SSA", it's neither science based nor secular. Science tells us that being gay is perfectly normal, a fact that most of my straight friends are very comfortable with.

L

 

There are those of us who have Same Sex Attraction who do not agree with the LGBT line that we should embrace and accept it.
I personally have been sexually attracted and at times romantically attracted to men. My personal beliefs are that this behavior is wrong. Thus, as a big part of my recovery I’m dealing with this attraction. For me, it is a disorder.
I need to commit to my wife and not act on my SSA.
And I believe that there are many like me who have unwanted SSA. And this is a good place to discuss it with others who are in recovery.

 

Thanks for the support. Therapist tells me that first, when young, encounter of same sex is my Arousal Template. Not that it means I am gay or bi. Just that the first or significant experience is ingrained.

 

May I ask one small favor? If you mean SSAD then say SSAD. Using the term "SSA" without the "D" leaves out the fact that it's not science based.

Science tells us that attraction to the same sex is perfectly normal and healthy.

@JohnQ3369 having said that, I certainly understand your commitment to your wife and family.

@JohnQ3369 you are an adult and have the right to lead you life in anyway that's legal. Being married and loving your wife is legal, so you have a right to do it. Further, as an adult you have the ability to make that decision and I support that right.

Where I have a problem is the introduction of terms and phrases that are not science based nor secular.

I quoted this before from the NoFap Home Page:

"NoFap® is a comprehensive sexual health platform.
We’re here to help you quit porn, improve your relationships, and reach your sexual health goals.
Science-based, secular, and sex-positive."

The italics were added by me.

L

 

Yes that is me too. Married and want to be happy with only my wife but my Arousal Template started when i was 19 with older man. Still makes me want that anonymous sex SSA. I don't feel i am attracted to men either romantically or emotionally but so hard to resist re doing my first time.
thanks

 

Thank you Ozatm, this is exactly my position.

I see my SSA as a disorder. For me.

And I choose to work to overcome it. Like Mitchell, it’s been with me a long time. I’m not sure it will ever go away. But I choose not to act on it.

My wife does not know at this point. She has significant sexual abuse in her past and sexual topics are a huge trigger for her. I acted out with another man last fall and I’ve been on NoFap since I ended it with him.

I am currently working with my therapist to prepare myself to reveal the truth to her. I have also spoken to her therapist about it. We have a lot of work to do.

JQ

 

My wife does know i was with more than one man.....she doesn't know details but at this point she is supportive. For me it has been about 10 men over 40 years. she is supportive so far. I have questions about whether i want to give up what has been so dopamine producing since age 19. Its hard....

 

It is hard. I still have urges to be with a man. But I have settled on my decision to remain faithful to my wife.

 

yes me too but it makes me wonder if my experiences were real or not. Its not easy to resist the temptation

 

What do you mean by them being real or not?