Hi, my name is CLE. I'm 30, married with children, and I'm from Spain. First of all, let me apologize if I can't explain myself as well as I want to, but I'll keep trying it. Well, It's been a large and heavy duty. I have HOCD - OCD since 13yo, and it increased with time. Let me brief you my story: As I said before, since I remember my teenage years, I always had in mind, in a compulsive way, sexual thoughts about both genders, and that's a fact that I assumed just 3 years ago when I thought I hit bottom. I started very young masturbating, then fapping, then web surfing for dogging/cruising sites until one day when I really decided to prove "the other side". I didn't do this from start to end, It wasn't bad, but wasn't great. Actually, not what I realized when I saw tons of porn videos. I have bisexual thoughts with a straight life (and loving my straight life) and actually I don't think it is a problem. People decides their choice of life, leaving behind some things and getting back another things even better. Well, 3 years ago when I hit bottom, I decided to tell my wife what happened, thinking that our great relation would crash, But it wasn't the case. I think she was so brave that still impresses me a lot! We went to a couple therapy, as I went at the same time to an addiction therapist. I think it was OK. She helped me to reroute my thoughts healthier than before. I think 3 months passed and I didn't fapped at all. But few months later I relapsed and started fapping again (this time not looking for cruising/dogging. Never as frequent as I did before (it was a lot), but relapsed. This psychologist talked with me about how's craving's behavior and how to beat "the midget f***k", but now this little man is facing me again and is gaining forces. In that moment my wife was with me in this process, But now that time passed, I don't want to get her involved again. I'm fearing of telling her what's happening; it would be very painful for her. This is my fight, and I'm strong enough to battle it. I hope to beat this demon again to improve myself, as I know I can. My countdown starts today.
101 days! Why when I got sex I become more horny and the thoughts of P come harder? Doesn't have to be the opposite? I don't believe in hard mode, and actually don't want it. I want a normal sexual 'circuit'.
