How porn affected me

Hello people,

This is the first time for me posting anything like this on a forum, so im just going to trow it all out. Im going to try and keep it as short and firm as possible.

I grew up normally, didnt have anything to complain about back home. Okay my father had anger issues, but he never hit me and my brother or did anything bad to us. Just scream about the most ridiculous things sometimes. My mother is sometimes what overcaring and protective, but she always intends to do good. I started out fapping normally to my imagination as i can recall. Till i was 16 this was fairly the case. Okay I used porn sometimes but not daily and I could still fap to my imagination. I am 25 right now and have had a lot of problems since I was about 18. I always look back at this age since it was a turning point in my life. My father had an affair at work and this unballanced our home. Everybody got psychollogical help except for me. I didnt want any help, I was angry all the time at my father and tried to run away. Met a girl on holliday and worked in her country for the summer to be away from home. I tried to contact home as little as possible when I was there. In this time I started watching porn more and more. Brazzers was my favourite kind of site, I had one ironic fettish and it was the cheating pornography, something I actually disgust and hate. I never went any further than that, I never liked the choking or abusive porn. I never tought this had influence on my sexual life, because it seemed like all my friends watched it and I tought it was normal. I have had girlfriends and sexual partners since I was 18. I never (but once with my first girlfriend when I was 18) was able to cum during sex in any kind of way. The relationships never lasted very long. 9 months was the longest, now usually they tend to last 3 months. I never really felt anything during intercourse, sometimes it even hurts. I've also had a gambling addiction, which is luckly over now. That got me in debt, right now I live home with my parents and had to quit my studies for now. I have Psychotherapy which is really helping me out so far. Recently I even lost the lust to watch porn or fap most of the time, because my last girlfriend left me for someone else to have fun with a month ago. Just once a week it might come up and I do somthing.
More details are comming, since i have to go now

 

Thank you Tim, I just returned from training. I was injured and could not get along very well today, which lowered my self esteem. To continue my story; Having to quit my studies, I had to find a job. I started working for a week now, but I do not feel satisfied and want to continue my studies as soon as possible. No school will hire me as of yet because enrollment is closed untill next september. I feel really down having to work until then. I always had toughts of packing my bags running away somewhere far thinking my problems would go away. But recently I also have tought about killing myself, not often just once or twice. Although I would never want to, the tought makes me cry.. I have lost a lot of trust in people, a month ago I tought I could trust my girlfriend. But it seems like she put the final stab into me.. I cannot trust and so I also feel alone..