My name is "Skeptic", I'm 25 years old and I'm an addict. *Hi Skeptic!* All joking aside I'm here because I have a problem with porn and masturbation; one I've had for many years but have been completely unwilling to face. There's nothing special about porn or orgasm for me, they're just two ways I currently get my dopamine fix, along with cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana and food. I'm extremely prone to addiction and have abused every pleasurable substance I've ever tried (luckily I've been cautious with the heavy stuff). I'm able to manage my substance use such that it doesn't negatively impact my day to day life. While I can moderate my smoking and drinking, I have been powerless to control my compulsion to masturbate and look at porn. That behavioral pathway is so deeply ingrained in my psyche it has compelled me do things that are against my values and out of sync with my character; things that I'm deeply ashamed of. In recent years, I've started thinking of my penis as nothing but a dopamine pump, the orgasm as a cheap and on-demand high. Obviously this mindset has interfered with every romantic and sexual relationship I've ever had and has dramatically affected the way I see myself and other people. I haven't had sex in over two years because I've totally decoupled pleasure from partnership. My username is Skeptic because it describes how I feel about NoFap. I've long looked at this community and its philosophy with disdain and ridiculed it with friends. But maybe y'all know something I don't. Perhaps this is a tool and a community that can help me regain some self-control. I'm starting a 30 day PM challenge for the month of November. I don't believe I can do it, but it's important I give it a real try. Thanks for reading.
Why would you feel disdain ? Humanity, people, are always at our strongest when we have the support of an understanding community that pushes us to grow ourselves. I think you will find that invaluable as time goes on. Welcome to NoFap.
The disdain was probably my addiction telling me I was better than "those losers" so that I would continue with my self-destructive ways. I am still skeptical about NoFap because it seems that many use it as a way of forcing themselves to adhere to sex-negative religious doctrines and that concerns me. Especially posts I see from under 18s who have really negative views of masturbation, yet haven't started having sex. Repression is never a good thing. Edit: Thanks for the welcome!
Well, for the record, my religious views is that all religion is non-applicable, and I would think that there are a number of atheists and agnostics as well that partake in our community. One should keep in mind that having sex and masturbating are not in the same vein; internet porn is nothing like real sex, and has no benefit physically or mentally and notable detriments to our chemical outputs by our brains.
It's sweeping statements like these that I have a problem with. Masturbation is a normal part of a healthy sexuality for most adults and it's the main way that young people become comfortable with themselves as sexual beings. There is no physical, mental, or emotional negative to it if it's not done out of obsession. And porn can be a part of a healthy sexual relationship. Plenty of couples include porn in their foreplay and that is normal and healthy. It's when these activities become anti-social or obsessive that it's a problem.
How frequently is porn used as a couple ? I would say not very. How frequently is it used by an individual to create a digital harem of women ? 99.999% of cases, most likely. What is obsession, in this context ? Is it an ongoing feedback of dopamine boosts created by your brain because it is automated to give you these responses when viewing new women ? In what way would you consider this automatic response to digital (thus unreality) to be healthy ? How would it benefit someone, exactly ? You seem to be defensive against accepting the fact that internet porn is harming males on a mass scale. Have you ever watched the video "The Great Porn Experiment" ? I would highly recommend it. It goes into detail some of the theories and its applications on how porn affects the brain. The website, "YourBrainOnPorn", has more studies done since the original 2011 video. Bear in mind, we can't talk about porn like it was 30 years ago. It's not relevant because the digital age, internet porn, is absolutely nothing like anything that has come before it. Evolution has not prepared our brains for internet porn.
All I can say is I know a lot of people- men, women, and couples- for whom porn and masturbation is not even remotely a problem. They do it in moderation as a complement to their sex lives. I'm aware of the problems internet porn is causing and I've seen the resources you mentioned. We should be telling people to be careful, but we should not unilaterally condemn things based on our personal experiences. By obsession, I'm talking about frequent, long duration porn sessions that are 100% unhealthy. Too much of anything is bad for you. But there are plenty of people out there who don't have that relationship to porn and masturbation. My main point is that there are a lot of groups out there who demonize any form of sexual expression that is not monogamous male-female vaginal sex after marriage. My concern is that kids receive those messages and feel shame for behaviors that are perfectly fine. I've seen posts here from kids who are trying to live up to an ideal of sex that is unrealistic and they're clearly stressed because they think they're bad people for having sexual urges. That's why I'm skeptical of NoFap- because its clearly used by people who are desperately trying to repress themselves in addition to long-term porn addicts.
Just because someone doesn't recognize the effect it has on them, doesn't mean that there is no effect. I mainly refer to males as that's my key experience. How can one be sure that porn is not having an effect whatsoever unless they stop entirely for a long period of time ? While noting that by definition, it HAS to have a neurochemical effect. I've known plenty of people in my lifetime and I have not met any who have had a benefit from internet porn. Honestly, I don't think you understand the effects of internet porn or are willing to understand it. Considering you also have made no mention on the video I said to watch. I will leave you to it, but I highly recommend you look into the resources provided.
You're just repeating the arguments that these groups have put out, as if it's irrefutable doctrine and telling me I don't understand because I'm disagreeing with your rigid viewpoint on what healthy sex involves. I have seen the videos you referenced. I have read articles on those websites. I have a degree in biology and work in healthcare, I understand the biochemical model of addiction better than most and I agree that porn is affecting society in many negative ways. My core issue is with sex-negative viewpoints that abound in spaces like NoFap. Porn has had a negative effect of me, but when women tell me how watching feminist porn with their partners helped them experiment with new forms of intimacy I believe them. Friends of mine maintain long-distance relationships with people they love by masturbating to photos or over Skype. Your outright condemnation of all porn and all masturbation negates the lived experiences of these people and countless others like them who don't share our compulsion to masturbate alone to hyperstimulatory porn.
