Anyone else really struggle with ONEITIS??

Ilussionitis. Had the same stuff. You just need to decide whether you want to live your own life, which is one for sure or want to waste your bestyears thinking about a person who doesnt give a shit about you.
P.S. have been struggling because of my "the one" for three years.
P.S.S. if some perfect girl is the sence of your life, it s not the best mindset to live with, believe me. Find yourself in something else, learn to love yourself firslty, then seek for somebody to love him. Life is a wonderful thing, don t forget it.

 

There's a lot of social conditioning to push men towards these kinds of destructive thought and behavior patterns.
Lots of shame and guilt involved if you don't fall in line with the Disneyfied soulmate fantasy.
There's an even bigger financial and incarceration risk for you if you do.
Like Gewinner said, it's illusionitis.
Free yourself from this illusion, and go be amazing and free instead.

 

I've had this same thing for almost 3 years now. It seems every time I actually start forgetting about her and moving on, she'll pop back into my life outta freakin nowhere. I think this time it's for good though. I think about her way less now than compared to the last 3 years. I don't see her through rose colored lenses anymore. I finally see that she doesn't want to be with me and I'm focusing on bettering myself for ME and not anyone else.

 

Nothing wrong with having a crush.

Believe it or not: Your Dad probably had a crush on your Mom, Your Grandma probably had a thing for your GrandDad ,a long time ago, your ancestors had oneitis for your other ancestors. Don't feel pathetic , man. These feeling that you have are natural. Liking someone is normal.

 

I have suffered from oneitis for a while.

But in my case it was mostly because I felt like there were no other opportunities for me other than that one girl.

Talk about being desperate lol.

 

I feel you lol

 

I've had this for 6 years, never really had a term for it. Thanks for giving it a more concrete meaning. Lately, mine has lost its power and pain over me. When I think of this woman, I tell myself it can't be and that my thoughts are merely a delusion. Telling myself that I'm not ready for something like that and reassuring myself that in time, if I continue to think positively and avoid these recurring OCD-type thoughts, that I could potentially get someone like her.

It's very destructive, very persecutorial thoughts like this that push us into self abuse with extreme pornography. Don't crucify yourself, ask yourself what's real.

"I can't have her, I'm crazy. This isn't healthy, my life sucks, I should just go spank to this weird video." Nothing but a temporary bandage on a permanent wound, and when we give it into this shit it just deepens the cut.

 

That's some insightful stuff. I relate to it a lot, especially recently.
I know it's irrational even when it's happening, and it kinda feels like I'm being dragged by a noose towards something I know I don't want, but resisting starts to feel suffocating.
I have to be cruel to myself to get through these initial phases of change or I'll just stay stuck in stupid patterns of stupid.

 

I really clearly remember having very strong feelings for a girl in second grade that lasted for years during my childhood. I still think about her sometimes. However in High school I found a new crush and I can't seem to let her go even though I worked up the courage and asked her out (she jsut wanted to be friends). These are the only two people I have ever felt this way about before so yeah I guess I might have some oneitits.