I want to die.

I hear you man! I know the feeling. You deel like you wat to do so much in life, but yet you feel trapped in your own body that seems stuck in a downward spri.

It’s time to start taking back control!

 

Brother my heart bleeds for you. I can relate and honestly, I just wanna give you a hug. (fuck me, I've never said anything so gay hahah)

But serious bro. I can relate and I will tell you what has worked/and is still working for me.

I have dived into self-improvement (through elliott hulse Check on youtube), I have have suffered in different ways to you and I can tell you something that has given me great peace is truly believing "Everything happens for a reason"

As soon as you start thinking this way, you are a million times better off, because every challenge, every obstacle, everything gut reaching, heart-shattering thing that happens is an obstacle for you to overcome. You begin to look at these terrible things become a little less scary, they automatically seem a little bit better.

Everything negative is all an OPPORTUNITY for you to become a stronger version of yourself.

Start providing yourself with positive shit. Search Elliott Hulse (ex Strongman), and maybe Jocko Willink(Ex Navy Seal)

You have an opportunity to get through your hardships, and then give advice, and hope to everyone. What you have been through is one of a kind. Make it your mission to get through this. Make it your goal and only choice to overcome and get a life you want. Because it is possible.

It is physics. Where there is an action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. if you continue allowing anxiety to stop you from doing things, if you continue to masturbate, if you continue doing what you are currently doing there will be a "reaction". Everything will get worse. HOWEVER! If you change, even little action by little action. You will get a change in results! Start small; set some goals. Sit down and don't get up until you have 5 things you would like to do/acomplish. Then tomorrow sit down and write down 5 ways you will get one of them done. Then start working towards them. Your passion, drive, motivation will come back, but atm you unconscious has turned off emotion because the hardships you have, have been to great to bare. You don't want to bare the negatives, but that means you can't experience the positives.

You have been given these hardships, because only you have the strength to get through this. 2 options; 1. Believe it and change. 2. Do nothing and stay the same.

What do you want? Of course you want to change. You aren't happy right now. So start right now. Is it gonna be hard? It will be harder than you imagine, but it is this process that will make everything worthwhile. You will become a different person. You will become a "stronger version of yourself" Get after it my friend.

I look at the several years of incredible back pain, the year of a torn hamstring, the multiple injuries, the cardiac arrest (at age 15) that took me out of my two favourite sports, the limp dick problems, the sunken chest (pectus-excavatum), skinny fat body, the foureyes, and braces, (the list goes on) the depression of my these things and my mother not loving me. Brother I want to kill myself, but these were obstacle given to me so I can be the man I am today. I honestly am glad they happened to me. You can get to this place, but only through a change in actions.

Get after it. Much Love. A Brother.

 

It's all in the mind.
Let's see how we can change something there that leads us to a life without porn.

 

Yep, there are a lot of days that suck. But sucking is better than nothing! It does get better!

 

Hi

Sorry your having a tough one. I have been there. About a year ago I was seeing a councillor and we looked into my childhood. I finally confronted my Dad about some abuse that went on when I was a kid. It wasn't easy for me but I could sense that I hadn't retrieved my power that he took from me when I was a kid. I was still letting him manipulate me up to the age of 41. Its not the case with everyone but for many people addictive behaviour, depression, anxiety etc can have its beginnings in that way.

When I was little I had no strength to stand up for myself against my Dad so porn was how I tried to escape the pain. But finally standing up to my Dad was what was all along necessary to regain my 'self'. I see my Dad as a victim also and don't blame him. After a few difficult phone calls and letters he finally acknowledged what he did and apologised. Now things are better than ever and we are much much closer. However if he had not accepted what I was saying I was fully prepared to never see him again and I made that clear. It was very painfully for him but we were both forced by truth into becoming 'conscious' of the past and dealing fearlessly with it. Accepting and not denying the truth is the only way to live a healthy progressive life for me, no matter how painful aligning with the truth might be. Thats the gift an addiction can give if we really become 'aware' of what it is trying to teach.

I was thinking why I have not had any bad urges on this reboot attempt and what I have done differently than previous attempts (I have been trying to quit for over 20 years with little success ) and I think it has been down to straightening out my relationships with myself by sorting out my relationships with others, I used to let people push me around, because I had let my Dad push me around. It became a habit with most people in the end, shit life was pushing me around! I was fucking scared of everything man!! I shit you not sir. I have felt utterly hopeless/useless much of my life with crippling social anxiety and suicidal feelings. For me all the cold showers, meditation, intermittent fasting etc etc just didn't go deep enough. Don't get me wrong they are very helpful and I do all of them everyday, but my skeleton was way in the past and needed sorting out.

This may or may not be the case in your life. But have a think if there is anyone in life who has/is dominating/manipulating you. Could be a friend, brother, teacher, anyone.

I have also walked away from a best friend of 18 years as I felt the relationship had become very unhealthy. These are the kind of things I had to do once I became 'conscious'. My addiction and subsequent depression/anxiety were getting so bad I had no choice, the gift of desperation I think they call it. The heart only responds to truth and love and I could feel for the first time a sense of self respect at the very bottom of it. If you follow you heart no matter how externally difficult it might look you will feel good on the inside and things will come good in the end. Then other people will notice and life just starts to get good and socialising becomes a totally different experience.

One book that was very helpful was 'If you had controlling parents'

Love yourself brother. And never, never, never, never give up. sincerity is invincible.

 

Good statement. You will make it!

 

Welcome Menta. Keep talking to us here.

 

Word.

 

Hey man!
I feel for your story
You can be great though
No doubt it!
Keep pushing and keep fighting for a greater day !
If you ever need someone to talk too or just an ear
MSG ME ANYTIME MY FRIEND
You can do it !

 

Hi there, I feel your pain.
The things you describe sound very familiar to me.
Small step by step, make everyday count and let all those negative thoughts out.
Write them down, let it go. Keep on talking.

 

we are all together buddy, you are not alone we all experience this kind of situation
keep your hope

 

Greetings my fellow fapstronaut @Menta_Na .You're not alone. Everyone here suffers what you suffer today. Don't worry we will execute this addiction together. Just keep up the good work.

 

Everyday, you'll make progress my man, as long as you try.

 

So @Menta_Na, in case you haven’t noticed, your message has evoked a lot of heartfelt responses and advice that has been very positive.
You are not alone, and no one wants to see you or any of us die by their own hand.
Stay with us and don’t give up hope.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, I suggest breathing in and out slowly and deliberately, as you repeatedly say to yourself, “It’s okay”.
Do this long enough and I promise that no matter how bad it feels, it’ll be okay.
You’re okay. Understand it may be hard, but it’s okay.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Stay with us my friend, we will fight this addiction together! We will get out of this.

 

Welcome. It is a struggle but worth it. Here are some things working for me.