Relapsed bad, and now single because of it.

嗯，做好自己，一切都会往好的地方发展。
Well, do yourself, everything will develop in a good place.

 

get back on the horse, you know the changes you need to make. It's going to be hard but change comes from within you gotta give it all you got no matter what happens.

 

I'm really sorry to hear that your relationship ended. That's a tough one.

I don't really have any answers, or even wise words. Maybe just keep going and focus on your goals. Set some rules to achieve those goals and just all out go for it.

Again, sorry to hear. Hang in there and good luck to you.

 

go to her, tell her that you really like her and have caring feelings for her. apologize to her like a real man...like a real gentleman...and say i been dealing with stuffs from work...or friends...maybe lie....and say that i just need maybe weeks or months...just to get everything in order....and if she is willing to give it another try...then date her again...if not stay friends...

or the best thing in the world you can do is....take her to a park...tell her how much you like her...how much you care for her....and tell her your problem....this problem is so common...girls have this...1 in every 3 girls have this problem....2 in every 3 guys have this problem...this problem is so common....tell her the truth....and with her help you can beat it...

if she decides to say ...omg you are addicted to porn...bye....so be it...so be it....and be ready to take that response...and you work on yourself....

if she decides to help you...its amazing....

either way...if you do not want to do any of this..thats ok....come to this site...work on yourself....slowly start....get 1 day...then 3 day...then 10 days.....even if you relapse thats ok....keep coming and making new streaks...thats how you beat it...not cold turkey.

 

Gnathan, I agree with everything you wrote, with one exception.

I think he should be completely honest and upfront with her. I don't think it would do him (or her) any good for him to lie to her.

Other than that, you're spot on!

 

you are right. if you tell her, it can go 50 / 50.

1. if she accepts it and decides to help you and be with you again. thats great.
2. if she doesnt....then so be it. what is the difference between now and she saying no. its the same. she is not with you anymore...so why does it matter if she says NO after telling her you have feelings for her and the problem is porn

like i said...its a win win situation really.

but first be honest and tell her about your feelings. tell her how much you love and care for her. then secondly tell her the real problem you have and how that came in between you. make her understand how common it is.
then last but not least...tell her that you love her so much and that you are willing to work on yourself and stop this addiction and that it would mean a lot if she is by your side.

she will understand....if not...its the same situation as you are in now..so doesnt matter.

you can do this with her and her help and with our help on this forum.

or you can do this without her and with your help on this forum.

either way we will help defeat this addiction.

 

Vegetex there's a couple pieces of advice I'd give you. They're things I've been working on with my wife because for 19 years I've haven't done them. First, communication will help you boatloads. It doesn't matter if you're communicating with this girl or anyone for that matter you need to talk. Secondly, you need to be honest with yourself and others. If you feel the need to hide or lie about pmo from those you seek relationships with then you aren't ready to give up pmo. I'm not saying you need to be like" Hi my name is James and I masturbation to porn" but it's something you need to share with those you feel comfortable telling. People appreciate being told the truth and it brings up the third thing that comes to a relationship which is trust. Both sides need to trust each other in order to have a lasting relationship.

You will not be just healed one day. This is a long and hard process. It will always seem worse but be patient and keep working. Remove the word try from your thought processes. By "trying" you've already told your brain, hey we can mess up and get away with pmo, we told everyone we were trying so it's OK to fail. Each day you will battle with the addiction. Learning how to cope is what you're looking for. In 19 years I've betrayed my wife several times with pmo. I never admitted my problem but this most recent episode was my OD case and I've taken drastic measures to combat my problems.

It's not like you can't control the urges you just need to develop skills that work for you. The world will temp you in ways you probably haven't imagined. Best of luck to you.

 

I am going through the same thing as my wife of 7 years found out about my addiction this week.
And I lied trying to cover up the things I have done which has made things worse.
To be honest I didn't know it was an addiction until this happened and I started to research and found this forum.
Honesty is the only way to be otherwise you are still covering up the real problem.
I am going to do everything I can to to save me marriage because I know I love my wife and I will beat this addiction for myself and my relationship.
I know I can do it and so can you

 

Incredibly inspiring Darren! I'm rooting for you!

Let's do this for our beautiful wives!

STAY STRONG!!