Dating Advice

Alyosha,

Old guy here. Married probably longer than you have lived, but dated a lot in my youth. Able just gave you a huge gift. Notice in his example, not only did you not ask for a date, you also gave her 2 options, neither of which was "no". If she is not interested, she will have to be very clear. Her only choices are Tuesday or Friday. She could also offer back she is busy this week, but next week works well. If she is not interested at all, she has to but herself out there and be clear (and then you are free to move on).

Able is a wise man.

Steve

 

I learned a long time ago to not ask questions that allow for an answer I don't want. That does not mean they can't respond in a way I don't like, but it puts them in the position of having to do it.

Years ago (1973) I had my first job, commissioned sales at a retail store (no more selling and no more retail for me). I used to go up to a shopper and say, can I help you find something, and 9 out of 10 times they would say, no just looking. Then an older salesman pulled me aside and said, your asking so they can say no. Do it like this "What can I help you find?". While they can still say nothing, just looking. I found that now 8 out of 10 would say, I am looking for.... this still allowed them to say, no, but it gave them an opportunity to say yes.

While this is not the same as dating, the principal is the same.

Another example, Today I decided to promote one of my employees, but needed my bosses approval. Instead of asking if I could promote Joe, I said, "We need to promote Joe, I am planning on doing it an midyear, but if you want we could wait until year end (our midyear is Oct 1). My boss could have said, I don't want to promote Joe, but instead he said, yes lets do it at midyear.

So back to your girl. If you use the I want to check out this cafe (or coffee shop, or whatever), I am free on Tuesday or Friday, which works best for you? You give her the option to pick a day. Again, if she really does not want to go, she can say no. It's really not pushy. She will see you as a confident guy, and that will attract her. Pushy would be if she says no and you keep asking (that's beyond pushy, that's creepy).

Since you have not asked many girls out, anything will feel pushy. Trust the old guy here. This will feel to her like you are a confident man, she will most likely find that attractive. Women are drawn to strong men. Hold your head high, shoulders back, look her in the eyes, and tell her you would like to go out what day works best for her. If she turns you down, thank her and move on, but I suspect she will say yes.

Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.

 

This thread is golden, I'm drinking this advice like I was in the desert for a year. Could this work for girls too? I mean, I'm nowhere near a asking for a date (I'm actually nowhere near imagining the eventual possibility of maybe having someone I would perhaps reasonably want for a date and anyway I'm not looking for a bf or gf but for a husband), but Nofap makes me progress so much towards self-confidence, you never know!

While we're at it, I have a question that's a bit tricky. I'm sorry because this is a very personal situation but I don't know how to handle it. At which point in a relationship can you express your views on sex? What I'm trying to say is that, for me, I know I want to wait for wedding. That's my number one rule, no exception. How to explain it to someone? Can you just go on first date and say, "X, I really love you bro, I think you're fantastic and damn, dat ass, but sorry, my beliefs and my will is to wait for wedding night to shag you"? Where's the balance between not terrifying the guy, and making it extremely clear at the very beginning that I'm looking for a husband for life? I'm already so self-aware, imagining that I'm desired by someone is so hard to accept, that this is a very hypothetical question, but I know what my desire is and it's to get married to a guy with whom I will have BUILT a healthy, trust filled love, as I don't believe neither in Prince Charming, souls sisters and love at first sight.

It's weird, I look around me, and the only thing I see is people that wouldn't be COMPATIBLE with me. I'm looking for people that would be compatible. What a weird word. I can't find anyone with whom I'll look great with (is this arrogance?), because they're all "too hot", "too good", "too smart", "too whatever", and it's the very reason I'm interested in them at the same time. The guy is my class is one of the hottest mofos I've ever seen, I can barely look at him more than three seconds because my jaw drop and my eyes become milky, how can I think that there is a possibility to get together (apart from the fact that I think he's gay - godamnit - and that we have pretty different mentalities)? Perhaps being different really suck then. Sorry I digress.

 

Also, women (in my experience) are more attracted to guys with self-confidence. Don't act pushy. Just go with the flow and try something out. If it doesn't work try something else.

 

Yes I'm very sorry, it was my initial will but for some reasons I got too excited. I wasn't sure my questions were worth a new thread but I'm making a new one! Sorry for digressing! And I wish you the best with this girl!!

 

Anne,

While starting a new thread for these questions is the best option, Let me respond quickly. I see no reason why this would not work for women.

As for your second question. While I probably would not talk about Sex on the first few dates, as soon as it becomes more than casual dating, I think it's important to set expectations. All too often relationships, especially marriages get in trouble because each has their own expectations and has not expressed that to their partner.

BTW - I fully support your desire to wait until your wedding night. Been married to a wonderful girl for 31 years, and even today wish I did not carry the baggage of the previous relationships with me. If you can wait, you will benefit.

Thanks
Steve

 

Here's a silly trick, I can't remember where I learned it, but it works. Ask the girl you like several questions to which the answer will be "yes". Pleasant things, nice things. Maybe even include questions with implied "yeses", such as, "May I hold the door for you?" as you're already opening it (not pushy, just considerate, see?). After three affirmatives in a row, ask her out on that ice cream date. The "yes" pattern will be irresistible.

 

This is a good article
Stop guys should post every day a small tip how to get girls

 

Man, I hate it when salespeople do this!!!
The other day I made a quick stop at Walgreen's to pick up a super-jumbo gallon jug of laxatives for a family member, and I had to let the make-up counter lady walk me to them, even though I know perfectly well where they are, just because she looked me in the eye and pleasantly asked, "And what are you shopping for today!?" and it would have been too awkward to wave her off. ... "Yes, very helpful, thanks. Nope, the really extra big one. Cheaper unit price, see. Very frugal. Likes to poop a lot. Nope that's all. Okay so thanks bye."

 

Alyosha, if you want confidence, remember this - if the girl is disposed to like you, she'll bite at any old line you cast toward her. You could go with, "Got a boyfriend? ... Want one?" *cheezy grin*. It's worlds better than saying nothing, that's for sure.