Hi, I'm new here and by advance sorry for my english as it is not my first language. First I need to present myself, I'm a 32 yo male, single, and I during the last 6 months I'm wondering about transitioning from male to female. It may be because of porn but I am not so sure about that. Like many many french people, I am absolutly not a religious person so please no reply about god or prophet or whatever it may be about monotheistic ideas it willl just make me run away. I discovered this website two days ago, and I am not sure if it will help me with all my issues and questions (on gender, sexuality and addiction) but I'm willing to give it a try! My main issue is that I do believe that I'm addicted to some form of porn , that is for sure. I started quite young around 16 or 17 yo to watch porn and it went back and forth as I was in a relationship or not or if I was working or not. Recently I could have stayed in front of my computer watching porn for several hours of the day, every days of the week or close to that, even almost needing it to sleep. This activity took me a lot of time I didn't use on personnal activity to develop myself or having activities with friends or family. The type of porn I'm watching since two years is Sissy, transexual, cuckold (mostly BBC on white girl ) gay ( mostly BBC on cute white feminine guys or trans) and sometimes lesbian or hetero. I also read a lot of sissy fiction on literotica about shy men being transformed by their boyfriend or girlfriend into a woman by taking hormones and a lot of sissy captions on tumblr I'm single for quite some time , am quite shy around women have a small penis if I'm being honest and it's quite often limp or if hard can't be for long.Some women left me after desastrous first time in bed when I could not have an erection. This was a vicious circle because everytime I went to a girl's bed the fear of it happening again made it happen again. I want a serious relationship with a woman, my own kids and so on so: I very recently dated a woman from an app (okcupid) and she told me she couldn't be with me as I was being way too effeminate for her (not physically but my way of speaking or moving). I recently changed my profile saying that I'm quite feminine and have thought about transitioning, first for honesty and to find a more open minded woman. I also think about having a cuckold relationship, maybe it is a solution to my catastrophic sexlife with women, I could have sex like a "lesbian" and she could have a "bull" for the rest ( with the exception of baby making I want my own!!!) As for relationship I know that I'm probably only attracted by women (but sometime I portrayed myself as a girl with a very virile guy) As for sex, I know that i'm attracted to women (more like a lesbian very tender sex, lots of kissing, liking...) and with guys ( hard fucking me being the submissive bottom and I used to have a weird fantasy about being humiliated but not anymore maybe because I tend to accept more my feminine side in bed) As for my gender I seriously considered being transgender , even a few days ago , but there will be serious consequences, I am slender but not particularly feminine , It will be difficult finding a job being trans , the shock for my family, friends...but on the other hand I might be better in my own skin as I dislike a lot of masculine activities,have not find in my sorrounding one male to emulate but a lot of really great women, have a lot of female friends , can be better in a feminine sexuality as my male sexuality is really not so great. I could quite easily portrait myself in a lesbian relationship. Anyway I think my main reason to be here is that I really want to spend less time on a computer , playing with myself , doing nothing of my life and finding if what I want sexually and about my gender come from me or from porn. I'm now two days porn free , I know as I did it before that I can stop watching it for let's say 10 days and then go back to it sometimes even harder! So I think I could need some help here! (sorry it was quite long!)
Hello, I am new as well and recently wrote something similar on my own introduction in which porn led me to believe that I to was feminine and wanted to transition. I made it to the point of finding a doctor who gave me a prescription for hormones and I began to the journey. It was only recently that I stopped but I was about 5 months in before I threw them away. I will tell you ( and I'm not saying this applies to you ), but porn can change your perception of yourself in a various ways. As you dive deeper into some of the categories in it; you may start to feel as if you can be a part of it. Even though I am not watching it as much I still feel the pull/urge to transition yet as I interact with those out in the world I don't feel it as much. Just when I am in front of the computer with access to it or even games that I once was in I get the urge to want to feminize myself. I will say that things seem different from your spectrum in which you dislike macho activities so your story will be different from mine as well as others. Perhaps it is something you will pursue, if possible try straying away from the transgender and sissy porn see if that helps. If you still feel the tug try doing small things. Painting your toe nails and see how it feels that is something that can be hidden with socks and shoes so you won't have to worry too much. I will tell you that on hormones your sexual orientation may flip a bit for the longest I was adamant no men what so ever; but every few weeks as I took more of the hormones it became "Well maybe that guy would be okay..." or something along those lines so be prepared if you do that your firm beliefs in only females can change on them. If you ever need to vent or just talk I'm listening, Jin Taisei
Well Jin , thank you for your quick answer! I am lucky to have two great female friends very open minded, one I told about my thougts about transitioning and the other about that and about my porn addiction. I think this website and people in it will help me and real friends can be of huge help too. Maybe if you have a good friend you can talk to him/her about both your problems , nofap is great but it is virtual and you get advices from people you don't know, real friends can help you irl . About my sexual indentity i'm quite sure about myself and I don't really think it was much altered by porn because as a teen I was already attracted by men and already liked to crossdress, and about 4 years ago I decided to make peace with it instead of being ashamed or in denial about my bisexuality I embraced it. If I transition mtf I hope the hormones won't change the way I feel about relationship with women I'm absolutly sure that I want a woman as a life partner I love the way they are and touch me , both mind and body and I really really want my own children so it can be a little harsh to do that with a guy ( I don't plan to rent a woman's belly ,I think it is an awful practice to ask a poor woman to be pregnant for someone else desires in exchange of good money)
You're welcome, That's great that you have support on both sides! I did as well for a while seeing a therapist who helped me iron out a few things who has helped me tremendously; I stopped seeing her but still think about all the assistance she provided for me. Though I'm glad to hear you have accepted it that must have taken some of the weight off of your shoulders and felt quite liberating. Hearing that you have come to accept it I don't think the hormones will do a whole lot in your orientation; for me I was firmly sticking with women wasn't until hormones that I came to terms with it. Even now that I am off of them I still think I am more or less bisexual. Very noble of you, well the thought of adoption comes to mind in terms of children. They may not be your own but they can still be raised as your own. I'm thankful my parents did that for me as an infant and looking back on it I think it's nice of someone to take in someone else's own who was left because they could not, just a thought.
Hey @Frenchsissy , Very glad you are here. When I arrived here, I was very confused by the program. So many terms, ideas, different opinions. I was in some ways as overwhelmed with NoFap as I was with pmo. I found two things that helped me. First, was reading up on the program and figuring out where to start and how to work my program. The best page is the one with the list of all the resources available. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/ That page explained the program. I read every article and watched all the videos on that page. Next, was the community. By getting involved, reading people's posts, remembering to "like" the posts, reading the post not only in the forum, but on people's profiles, I found a great group of people. This is a diverse community. We have religious people and secular ones. There are men and women. People with months of no pmo and those just starting out. As well, there are many different approaches to remove porn from our lives forever. Keep reading posts and profiles. You will find someone who is telling your own story. Keep posting your own story, someone needs to read it. Looking forward to reading many more posts from you, - L
Jin thank you for your answer , I have considered adoption but it is a very complicated matter in my country I talk about years of procedures and I'm not sure to be able to love the child of other person as much ad my own so I'm not going that way, but I am really glad that you had a great childhood with the people who raised you! Stop the music thank you about the programm I'll take a look at it very soon but I'm pretty much convinced about the uselessness of fapping in front of porn, so much loss of time ! I decided to read more and exercice myself to have a healthier body! I've also seen a video about giving yourself pleasure without efforts and I do agree that to be satisfied on the physical level without any effort in life can be catastrophic and make you apathic so I really need to change my ways A question , I think I miss more erotic fiction about being a sissy and captions than videos porn , has someone been addicted to that too ?
Ah gotcha well just a thought life changes and want to try and make sure I at least advise everyone of every avenue. I would say one of the greatest things I've experienced is runner's high. Takes a while to get into and going, but it is great when it is experienced and really for me at least it is hard to describe. Yes a lot of people have been addicted to things like that because in the end it is something they would love to be a part of so they continue to watch and dream of acting it out. Try this sign up for a goodreads account and perhaps look at some of the titles in the LGBT scene. I did last night and end up finding an up and coming author who is rather good. It's Fantasy-Fiction based and deals with women romance; but it's not like liteerotica. Perhaps keeping it in a "tame" manner may be helpful.
Thank you all for the support, after three and a half day ( half day is important for now ^^) I feel already so much better! I'm way less tired, closer to my family, not the guilt to hide them something I'm ashamed to watch myself. In fact now I'm scared about falling back into this porn I don't want to be in a vicious cycle, how do single people can handle their urges without masturbating? I thought about taking drugs to calm down my libido ( finasteride 1 mg maybe it also helps with hair loss so with a medical go for it, it might also help me to control my urges) Has someone an experience about that ? Or maybe plants? On a more philosophical side I interrogated our modern world and the place of men in it : men were needed for war or agricultural for thousands of years or more recently industry, job which demanded strench . So what about now? we don't need to protect our wifes children by ourself ( we may be even punish by law from doing it in my country) agriculture is in need of very few men and is al automatised, and industry is now an affair of robots or has been delocalised in poorer countries. in europe and america, we work on computers or services, we don't need to be strong or brave for that , and this may lead to the feminisation of men in those area and maybe we are more attracted to sissy porn in part because of that. What do you think?
Congratulations on the day and glad you are seeing and feeling some positive effects. I wouldn't look too much into drugs as the libido will calm down on it's own in due time lol. See the philosophical side brings out quite a bit of the conspiracy thinker in me as quite a few people especially those of a spiritual faith find this to be something that is being pushed by a select few people's evil agenda in a plan to help depopulate the Earth. Whereas I can certainly see this being the main case for a few there are those who like me generally do think a bit different; but the question then becomes was it our own doing or that of societal programming. In the end there are still quite a few things men can do that some women just cannot as well as vice versa but as for those in the labor force; automation will be at the forefront for quite some time as it is a main way of saving money. I don't think that is the main draw of sissy porn though I was drawn to it for a while and still felt I could take down someone if need be. I believe we just want someone in charge once in a while it is the same way in which I would watch some mature stuff. Basically getting with someone who knew what they were doing or at least showed what they wanted and acted upon it.
It's around 11 pm on monday, and I just failed to stop my addiction after my first attemp. Well not entierely I didn't fap on porn , because I really don't like it anymore, but I imagined myself being emusculated/feminised/strap-on fucked by a cute girl, it seems that i'm quite hooked by this king of fantasy and I need to figured it out why, how, if I really want this out of my fantasies or not. So no porn is in itself a win but well it feels like a defeat anyway. I really wonder if no M/O is viable being single, maybe sexual release is just too big of a deal to be avoided for me. Instead of no M/O I should attempt less M/O and better M/O ( no porn involved maybe just imagination). Have you ever considered NoFap too hard a deal for you ?
Why does it feel like a defeat? It is at least getting to the bottom of things in a way, yes you may have failed in stopping yourself yet you saw that it wasn't porn that necessarily did it. So you really like the feminization stuff so I will ask are you attracted to any aspect of becoming a female? Perhaps do an deep meditation or think about why you are having these thoughts. Look at what you are wearing before the deeds happen. Is it just regular attire or are you in a dress? Just really look into it I think it's wonderful that though that you got to the point porn does nothing for you. I would say that is a big win for you. Yes I find sometimes NoFap is hard when I tried I would always find myself coming back to the same two things of sorts which I find is probably the things I am attracted to. Since I started this I have come to terms with things and decided to look into what exactly I am hiding from myself and I was surprised but not surprised at wanting to transition once again. I think I am spending more time on myself and what I want now which is why it has been easier this time around. Keeping a journal and a blog of my daily life has helped as well. So instead of seeing the fantasies in porn I found different outlets. I'm sure this will vary from person to person and what got them to the addiction in the first place, so the next step is to figure out what and why these fantasizes are taking place.
Thanks Teisei for your kinds words! To answer your questions, no I am not in girl clothes when the deeds happen. I am attracted to several aspects of feminity, first I am way more friendly attracted to women I have a lot with them to share and it is not the case with men that I find quite boring. Sexually I think my experiences with girls made me think that I'm not really good enough to be a top ( soft erections ) but I think I'm quite a pleaser with fingers and tongue ( like lesbians^^) and I love being fucked. I also really love to dress up with women clothes(way more options, textures and it's way more sexy!) On the bright side since last time I did not masturbate even if I had the urge,I also had a profile on xhamster that I deleted (yeah!!) But since a few days I really( really!) crave for anal sex even more than the need to masturbate. Also I have a question for those in a couple with women and have to same problem with sissy porn? Do your wife/girlfriend know about your addiction? If that's the case what is their reaction to that and maybe your desire to feel more feminine in and/or out the bed?
Hmm interesting! After reading that it became a bit more apparent as to why you used the term sissy. I don't want to say too much to sway you one way or another I'd much prefer you find your own reasoning as to why these thoughts and arousals come about. That's good though that you deleted the xhamster account! \o/ that is a big win right there and I know how difficult at times that can be. Have you been doing anything else in spare time to try and keep from going back to the site or any others? I also know that feeling since restarting HRT I feel like a cat in heat basically walking on the tips of my toes just haven't started meowing yet lol. That is really good though that you got off the site and hope everything continues on an upswing for you .
Quick update here: I think I came here for several reasons,the main is that I had interogations about my addiction to sissy porn and how this addiction played with the perception of my gender. Now that i'm porn free ( but not M/O free)and after much reflexion I can see more clearly about the perception of my gender: I'm a man and I want to stay a man, I don't want to take HTR to have boobs and feminine curves. I'm confortable in my body in everyday life and I think it would be stupid to engage a mtf process for me. I may be a man but I also like to crossdress, behave like society call feminine, am bisexual and extremely passive and submissive. In a way it is even harder than to be born in the wrong body, at least I would have an excuse for my ways , but the truth is that I'm not born in the wrong body and I'd have to accept the fact that I'm just a feminine guy in some of my way of living (but not all a lot of times I like to act as a guy or at least on neutral mode when I work ,see my family and so on). Now that I most likely deal with that issue, my next aim is to be confortable with who I am and really try to stay away the best that I can to masturbation and orgasm, in order to achieve my aims in live, instead of losing time and energy in front of a computer ( easier said than done !)
I'm glad you end up finding out what you want in life, I think that is the most helpful and beautiful thing about NoFap. It seems as if it gives a new lease on life in which we can find what we want and what we can do. Hope it all works out for you and hopefully you have some hobbies lined up so that you can turn to that instead of the computer .
