Ok so my basic question is what do i do if i remind my husband of people he has oogled or my clothes do? The deeper version is ... He took a week off work to try to starve his brain from oogling, so his flashbacks got worse,. went to work the next week and, his brain was at a buffet...if you get my drift. ( he has been actual P (as in not actively looking it up. Psubs and flashbacks of P have occurred) and M free for like 60 days or something. but the oogling and flashbacks have sky rocketed... he is now having associations with say.... he will see my neck and then think of someones neck at work with a tattoo, ( he doesn't even necessarily like it but has stared at it and oogled her parts). or a shirt i wore reminded him of another girl he oogled frequently and her boobs and cleavage. Or my butt the one day, made him think of someone elses. Is any of this normal? Is this withdrawl? Do i need to throw out all my clothes now? Should i not wear those clothes? Do i need to cover up more to help him? is this forward progress or backward progress? What do i do? and any tips for him? please help Thanks
That sounds like an extreme to buy all new clothes and hid your neck. He needs to control himself and his own thoughts. He needs to change his thoughts from you to other women but look at the other women and thing of you. I'd ask him what he needs from you to help. Who's going to fund your new wardrobe? How will you know the new clothes won't trigger the same reaction? That being said, I've definitely thrown out clothes because they remind me of my husband rejection me. It didn't help and cost me money. I did start getting more compliments and attention from everyone except him. Now I want to get rid of those clothes and try again. It's a never ending cycle if he doesn't change.
From your other thread it sounds like he has pretty bad anxiety. Has he seen anyone for this? That might help just in general. As for the thoughts, something that helped my husband was a book on mindfulness. Just being able to cut out distractions and be present in whatever moment he was in. Do you have Amazon Prime? If so, i just did a search and I see that the top book when I search that is available for free right now on the kindle thing. You don't have to have a kindle to read it though, I just use the app on my phone and it works. Anyway, something to try... mindfulness.
@osmowife and @TryingToHeal thank you for the responses i will try to look that up. Does this mean i am a trigger? do this happen to anyone else? I love some of the clothes that trigger him and i dont want to change them. plus i don't want that association so its a double edge sword. He doesn't see anyone for it. (1. because we aren't even sure what kind of person to go to. can you go to a PCP (primary care physician) for that? couldn't the P be making him this anxious? Or maybe withdrawl? i hope someone has some true insight on this
You don't do anything. HE needs to seek professional help and should look for therapists who specialize in cognitive behavioral therapy and sex addiction. Another good place for support and recovery would be to find a group like Sexaholics Anonymous.
Sexaholics Anonymous welcomes anyone who wants to achieve sexual sobrirty wether that be from sex with others or sex with self (masturbation). As a PA I've gone to meetings and not once did I feel like I was amongst people who werent in the same struggle as myself. The groups deal with lust and that encompasses both SA and PAs. While sex addiction and porn addiction are different outlets, the triggers for all addiction are similar: stress, self-worth, escapsim, perfectionism, past trauma etc. My therapist who specializes in SA helped me a lot.
I definitely agree with other PA’s on here... it sounds like he needs to see a therapist, as these issues I have feeling are deeper than just PMO. Hopefully he would be open to this, if he hasn’t started already.
