90 Days free, more to go

I'm now 90 days free. However, I have to go the full length of the reboot... I won't be finished with this reboot until maybe around June. 90 days may be the challenge but I cannot look at it as a challenge but as a complete change.

I still have mind fog. My addiction is deep rooted (way over 15 years of addiction). I still face withdrawals, even though they have calmed down (in a way) after the 80th day. Withdrawals peaked hard after Day 41 and lasted until up to Day 80. I couldn't stay outside for long or last in stores when shopping for food as I felt like I was gonna pass out on the floor with dizzy spells, extreme vertigo, and social anxiety (which I've never had before).

I also couldn't last an entire day at Church. Always having to leave early because I couldn't take it. My equilibrium was all over the place. Even though I sat still, my body felt like it was going in all directions. It was nauseating and at times I felt like I would pass out. Afraid of doing so I left because I did not want someone calling 911 and making me pay a bill I cannot afford on my current income.

However there is a plus side. I look at women more fondly now rather then sexually. I still have sexual thoughts. Also I have more healthier boners too. Getting morning wood every single morning and I had to take a piss with a hard on which I have not done in years. Had to remember how to do that without pissing all over my toilet seat and floor.

I'm more sociable now and actually enjoy talking to people. I've been righting my wrongs that occurred during addiction. Making friends whom I once thought were against me. Although I still cannot 100% enjoy their company due to withdrawal symptoms and mind fog (since I don't truly feel like I am all there) but I'm happy I'm doing something that I've never really done before.

The idea of Porn and, "fucking," is starting to become less of a forethought. Rather then wanting to fuck pixels on a screen, I have been thinking of intimacy in a different light. The ideas of cuddling, kissing, and flirting have started to turn me on. Rather then always having to get a hard on via pornagraphy, I can think of women I admire, with just intimate conversation, sitting next to each other, and just a smile... Has started to make me excited. Rather then seeing a woman on screen on her webcam playing with herself. It's a huge change and I am liking it.

I still have a long way to go. But there are so many positive changes that I just want to see what more changes will occur. This motivates me to continue to abstain and be free of the chains Porn has grounded me to.

And thanks for reading. lol

 

You will always have urges. But what overrides the urges is motivation to see yourself as a new person. Rather then relapsing and going back to being inhuman.

 

Think of Porn as, "Mind Poison." Which is what I have been calling it for some time now. Because in reality, that's what it is. To free yourself from the chains of addiction, you gotta want it.

 

I'm glad I can help motivate you to fully recover.

 

I plan on it!