I have struggled with PMO for almost all of my 52 years, and my family life has been terribly damaged and my wife is talking of divorce and my three teenagers hardly have relationships with me. This is a long time coming as I have tried a couple dozen times to quit on my own, but besides losing my family, I dont like that life feels out of my control to my PMO urges and want to be able to live differently but dont know if i can which only adds to the pressures. No road map to quit works for everyone, but are there some "best" ideas that most people find work? I have been PMO feee since new years day, but it has been a struggle and i dont know how to beat this on my own. Any help is something i would be very appreciative to get.
so first congratulations to the 63 days youre rigth there is no ideal map to the total healing i just will tell you what helps me to continue but at the end the main factor is time i mean if you struggle with this since so many years then your reebot is going to take long specially if you already started as a kid like me or got into weird fetishes as first thing i would add new positive habits this can be anything i would recommend going to the gym or maybe start jogging or just any type of sport to let out energy and emotions for me the gym helps a lot since i have a goal to achieve i can see the progress on my on body and eat a lot healthier and also can let out my aggresions that i have since the first month of nofap like really if i dont train for 1-2 weeks i get super pissed offed and just wanna fight somebody or break stuff Also something nice is taking cold showers everyday helped me very much at the start because it really strengths your willpower Yeah just change your life to the point where you can say this is perfect i life a happay positive life and all is great hope this helps you
Thank you for your reply. I like what you say about getting new habits to replace the old and to strengthen my willpower with things like cold showers. It is so cold outside and i hate cold weather and cold showers, but when i read your suggestion it actually sounded like a really great idea for me as it would strengthen my willpower greatly given how much i hate cold showers. I like that idea a lot actually. The whole concept of working on strengthening ones willpower across the board and not just on PMO makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing and I hope you stay positive as well.
I'm so sorry to hear about the family problems you're experiencing. Just recently I was very close to losing my family as well so I'm well aware of how scary that can be. Being honest about your addiction goes a long way in establishing trust in a relationship. Remember that some things are simply out of your control. But not all things. Make a commitment to yourself that you will maintain that sobriety no matter what your family decides. What I told my wife was, "I understand if you want to leave. Just so you know, no matter what you decide, I'm kicking this habit." And I meant it. She didn't believe me at first, but after a while her reasons for wanting to leave started disappearing. In the end, it will be up to your family to decide if the relationship is worth the effort to undo the damage done. I can tell you that after the first couple months of sobriety it gets significantly easier to maintain that sobriety. There are brain changes that occur in addicts and it takes a couple of months for those changes to reset. That's why they suggest 90 days to reboot. Keep hanging in there, it will be worth it. An aspect that many people ignore is the importance of human connection. There is research to support this. As you come out of your PMO "Haze" you'll find that human connection can very effectively replace the void that PMO was filling. You'll feel emotions you haven't felt in years... emotions you didn't even know you could feel. It might drive you to reestablish some broken relationships or seek out new ones. Family is a good place to start, although I understand how fragile those situations can be when trust has been lost. If you are religious, your religious community could be a great place to look to make new friends or find ways to serve other people.
Yeah im happy that i could help you also on days that you are like uhh i dont wanna shower cold i miss the warm water this days are the days that help you the most if you shower cold because you show who is the boss in your brain also really focus to stay calm and dont freak out that makes it easier to handle This is a great video about the topic
Thanks blade-rnr for the tips and sharing your experiences. I am hopeful that the 90day mark is a turning point this time..been there once before and failed to the point of feeling depressed, but i have an addictive brain as i had a cocaine addiction about 20 years ago which ultimately took inpatient rehab to kick and that was when i was engaged and my wife (now) declared it was her or the coke. Easy choice, almost impossible habit to lose. And i have heard people say coke is the easy drug habit to break. Wouldn't want to know the hard ones. Have stayed clean of drugs but despite my all-out attempts for decades now PMO is by far the hardest for me. The triggers feel like they are everywhere. My wife remains my most important aspect of my life and I love her deeply but she has grown tired of my lies and lack of being present in our family more than anything. I hope she will believe in me if I can make it through the brain changes I need. If I can fight this with her by my side, i know i will be stronger. Like you said, there is a greater feeling of emotions and wanting to have closer relationships finally in life. Just need to stay strong and you guys are helping me which i really am thankful for.
