I did the best I could.

Bro as a human being we all screw up, everyone here has f### up and reset their counters countless times. The process may take a while but addiction doesn't just go away like that man. Each time I did it I feel bad and disappointed in myself but this what makes us keep going because I didn't want feel that shame anymore. Keep going for it soon brain will learn to reject that filthy habit that we all have here.

 

"I did the best I could" ---> this is always all you need to do, nothing more is necessary.
By doing so although you have not succeeded now, your "best you could do" just slightly expanded by the new experience you gained and if you do it again, the same cycle of growing continues until your "I did the best I could" will be enough for conquering the addiction. Good luck, dont be so hard on yourself, imho you are doing great job now

 

Recovery for most from any addiction does not take the first time. It is often riddled with relapses. All you can do is learn from this relapse and go forward doing better the next time.

 

Tears come to my eyes reading this, because of how many times I failed. I even have history on this site, and was appalled to find my own posts from four years ago, then NADA. Just lots of bs justification in my mind. My God. At least you aren't doing THAT.
Seriously, it is hard. It hurts like nothing else. That being said, You are in it for the long haul. I get that, and applaud it. And just like anything else, you are getting better with practice.
You probably know quite a few tools and tricks. Well, here is another one, which I am using and here it is:
The counter. You have it set for "meeting your goals". Goals and plans are fine. Important even. It helps to know where you are going. But in this path, there also needs to be an entirely different mindset from goals. I don't know what has motivated you to feel like you need to "meet your goals", because you didn't say what is was. In fact, I don't even know what your goals are. However, because you are on this site, they probably include no porn use, perhaps no masturbation. So here is the tool: forget the counter. Forget the future. Even though you (of course) have plans, forget it. What I mean by this is that you have a task, and that is to deal with what is directly in front of you. Forget worrying about whether or not you have urges, or porn images running through your head. You can't control that. You can control one thing: your behavior in response to whatever is going on. Get that through your head. You cannot "stop the thoughts", you cannot "stop using porn forever". Even thinking both of those things is extremely counter productive and will lead you down a path of confusion and anxiety, because that is all it produces. Change is about the NEXT THING YOU DO. Not anything else.

 

Dragon Silver,

I cannot tell you how many times I have felt how you're feeling. Over the last fifteen years, I have tried and failed to remove PMO from my life. I've had streaks that ended at 18 days (my longest until now), 13 days, 2 days, 1 day, 1 hour, 20 minutes...etc...

I'm no expert, but I would bet that almost everyone (if not everyone) on NoFap who has defeated (or is defeating) their addiction has experienced the really, really unpleasant and frustrating feeling that you are sharing with us. That doesn't make it any less painful, of course, but it does mean that there is hope that one day you will overcome what today seems insurmountable.

Here's a bit of advice that I would share. We all have different styles and preferences, so it may or may not be helpful.

Fill your free time with new routines! This will make days go by faster (and slowly, surely take you towards your goals.)

Pick things that are important to you (or that you would like to be important to you) and start finding ways to dedicate time to those things. When I stopped PMO in December, I chose to change my eating habits. To do so, I am cooking most of the food that I eat which, of course, is a routine that takes up time (definitely a big plus) while also helping me progress towards one of my goals (being healthier). Another change that I made was with cleanliness. While I was in the fog of addiction, my apartment was always very dirty. Now, I have tried to create routines for sweeping the floor, cleaning the kitchen...etc...This is not exciting, I know, but it fills up time (very important) and helps me reach my goals (being cleaner). As a (more fun) way of filling up time, I have started reading more often. Reading, like cooking and cleaning, takes up time and also carries me towards my goals (being more informed professionally and personally).

If you choose to try this strategy, let me know. I'm happy to help in any way that I can.

Whether you go this way or not, remember that BRIGHTER DAYS ARE AHEAD. There's always hope!