The Porn Paradox

paradox
noun [ C ] US /ˈpær·əˌdɑks/
: a self-contradictory statement that at first seems true

I am creating this to rationalize, the irrational nature of my porn addiction.

I find that in the moment of porn relapse, the only part of the act that I enjoy are the parts that don’t involve porn at all. What I enjoy, what gives me that faux high, is in the moment that I am about to see porn. The moment where I get out my phone, and turn off restrictions, the moment the site loads up, the moment where a video is queuing up. The actual viewing is the least enjoyable part. While watching porn I find myself looking for something else, other than what I am watching. Nothing I find is what I am looking for. I watch porn in search of something I may find, and what I find is instantaneously not what I am searching for. I call this the porn paradox. This paradox is so bad, that I will sometimes leave a video, dissatisfied, in search of another, and one day return to the video I original left, imagining it to be better than it is, only to be dissatisfied again.

Now here is the real kicker of the porn paradox. There is a moment of realization I often have in a relapse, where I realize I am not going to find what I am looking for. A moment where I realize that the search of the imaginary porn scenario that brought me to relapse, has been abandoned for the same old same old. I continue only because now it is that much harder not too. The porn paradox draws you in with false promises, and you settle. You settle with something that originally you wouldn’t have wasted a relapse on had you known what you were getting. If you went to a store to buy something, and they never had what you wanted would you keep going back? Furthermore, would you buy something you didn’t want, because you don’t want to waste the trip? Of course not.

If you know what I am talking about, maybe this rationalization will help you avoid the porn paradox. If this is new to you then do this: if you relapse again, think about what you ended up watching, and ask yourself, would I have relapsed if I knew at the start of the relapse exactly what I was going to settle on. If you’re answer is no, that is the paradox.

FIGHT THE PORN PARADOX.

 

Thanks for the welcome!

The counter I was able to put up by clicking a link under somebody else's counter, but I still have not found a way to get to it in the forum alone.

 

ya man, I realized that in order for me to relapse, I have to put rational thought to the side first. I can only relapse in a moment of chosen ignorance, as if I forget how to reason all together. Makes me realize that first and foremost this is a war of thought's. Triggering circumstances doesn't help, but because it brings on triggering thoughts, which lead me to choose ignorance of the outcome of my following actions. Triggering circumstances are sometimes out of our control. So policing my thoughts is what I am going to focus on now.