When do you know your marriage won’t last?

Can only say from my experience and prior to going on this NoFap experiment I definitely used to put loads of pressure on my SO with regards to making love, that’s not to say my wife never wants to make love just that she needs to be in the right place in her mind and feelings to do so. I read a book on the 5 Love Languages which you can find on PDF through a google search and this was really revolutionary for me in knowing what my wife wanted and also knowing what I wanted too. She is a strong Love Language 2 which means that spending Quality Time together is of the upmost importance to her, that doesn’t mean sitting down and watching TV together it means really connecting on a level where she can tell me her innermost feelings. I try to do this for 20 minutes every day now and believe me it has its rewards, I am a Love Language 5 which makes me inclined to like Physical Contact and that doesn’t mean jumping straight into bed.

For me Physical Contact is about her coming over and giving me a hug and may a kiss, which is usually coupled with words of appreciation, for me these instances of my wife showing me how much I mean to her really touch me inside.

Will share with you an experience I had this morning whilst lying in bed and talking to my wife, the subject of making love came up and she stated “she needs topping up on a regular basis” the problem being I struggle to see this through her body language and behavior. Think this is going to be a conversation that we need to have and maybe secret word which is said to convey how we are feeling at that time.


Anyway day 43 and almost half way to my reboot 90 days. hhheeeeyyyyyyyy

 

I am in a very similar situation as you. In the past when I was PMOing, I didnt have a sex drive, and now that I've quit, I do. When I want my wife and it appears to her that it's only for physical reasons, my wife turns off and say, no. Here recently, I got upset and said something to her that I regret. ( @Rachie ) is my wife and in her journal she has a entry on page 9, Tuesday at 7:37 AM. That might help you know kind of what your wife might be feeling.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
This is a link for the 5 love languages test. If you get a chance, sit down with your wife and take the test and look at each others results. It could help both of you immensely.

 

When do you know your marriage won't last?

When only one of you is trying.

A marriage isn't a marriage and it will never work unless both of you are in it.
Even if it's by a toe.
If one person quits, it's done.
That's how you know.
One person isn't a marriage or a relationship.
It's just not.
And in the whole world of history of marriage, yours isn't the worst.
Remember that.
Good luck.

 

Make it work. Make it happy. Relationships are not like apples where you get "the one" and it's perfect. They are more like infrastructure maintenance - they take work! You have the capacity, then, to make it work and to build bridges!
Why might she not want sex as much? How could feelings of safety, kindness, or being loved be affecting your sex life?
What can you do to relieve the pressure on her for sex, while not using porn? (Hint)
What does she think of all this?
How might a third party help you facilitate discussion and help you build your relationship with your wife?

Consider starting with the 10 o'clock rule: no serious discussions after 10pm. Because you are less able to clearly articulate your thoughts, less able to articulate them in a non-hurtful manner, and less able to receive comments in a non-hurtful interpretation when you are tired, the 10 o'clock rule prevents those long, painful fights. This isn't to say never fight, or don't discuss key issues, but rather to plan when and how you deal with issues to ensure both your needs are being met and that the fight is fair (both to yourself and to your partner).

Also consider how you approach problems in the relationship and in life. Because you are married, you are on the same side. So approach your problems together.
It should look like this:
You » Problem
Your wife »

Not:
You » Problem « Your wife.

Y'all are on a team. Go win as a team!

 

Hi, I can't talk much on the nofap thing because I am here for a reason...
However as a woman and a couples worker I can tell you that when you meet your wife's needs you will get sex...
Sex drive has little to do with it..
Remember when you first met, and you could not keep your hands off each other....?
Well that is because you met each others needs...
As a woman I have to have my man meet my needs to have sex.. he knows this... he never EVER applies pressure though.

Ask her what you need to change. Trust her, she knows how she wants to be treated.... We can't love people how we want to love them, we have to love them as they NEED to be loved.

Each of us have a different love language... does she like to hear nice things? Maybe she likes gifts? Maybe she likes touch? Google the five languages of love and BOTH take the test... Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with her and learn with her...

Feel free to PM me...