Giving it an honest effort this time

I just found this site after a week of not jerking it and not watching porn. I really want to permanently stop watching porn, both because I'm aware that I am addicted to it, and because it conflicts with many things about my beliefs about the morality of certain sexual things. I'm tired of thinking one thing and doing another. I'm tired of allowing myself to have a powerfully voyeuristic sexual side of my mind.

The longest I've ever gone is about two weeks without masturbation and a month without porn. I've tried probably 20+ times to quit, and I usually make it about a week. I figure this time I'll actually join a community that has the same goal, so I will feel like I'm being held accountable to someone other than my self. I don't care if I eventually masturbate like once a month or something like that but I figure I need to abstain from both for longer to fully reset how my brain is wired when it comes to jacking off. I don't want the porn imagery in my head. I think I'm going to make my first goal to make it to the new year without porn or masturbation. So, I'm going to go for 10 weeks, see how I feel and take it from there.

The conflicts of belief that I have about porn are mainly about how most of it is produced. I think that a woman should be able to sleep with whoever she wants to, but I don't think that anyone should be doing it for money. We should be doing it because we want to have sex with who we're having sex with, and the feeling should always be mutual. I'v also been grossed out with some of the things I've jerked it to. I'm 31, and I've been watching porn since I was 14. In that time I've jerked off to everything from standard sex scenes, to the much more bizarre ones, that I would be ashamed of if my girlfriend found out about. I'm not proud of this. The strange thing is that with all of the weird stuff, I wouldn't even like to be in the same room while it was filmed in real life. It is just some odd warping of the mind that has happened from being desensitized to normal sex scenes.

I really hope that I can stick with it this time. I want to cleanse my mind and use my dick on real women only! No more pixels.