Dating

It sounds to me as though you really are ready to start thinking seriously about dating, and how to go about securing dates, which is excellent.

However, it also sounds as though you're suffering from some anxiety, which is leading you to over-analyse what is actually a very simple and natural set of interactions between a man and a woman. I only think so because I've suffered myself for so long with anxiety concerning the opposite sex.

My anxiety is at its worst when I'm tired or feeling low, but when I'm full of energy and confidence (like after a rewarding gym session or a particularly restful night's sleep) it's as though its not there. I can see in girl's faces and behaviour that I'm attracting them, and at that point it doesn't matter that I earn minimum wage, don't have a car, don't have a house and am a recovering porn addict.

I hate to write long messages in the forums, so I apologise. If you'd like some of my top tips, feel free to drop me a message and we'll chat, brother to brother.

 

Hi I’m female and I came from a lower class family as well. I am a lot older than you but I can get a bit of how you feel as I too felt that way. Let me start by saying most people in college are poor. The only time I was more poor was in law school. So unless you are going to school with a bunch of rich kids I suspect many others are just as poor or worse. And a car? In the city I live in very few college kids have a car you don’t need one!

Of course you don’t know what to do in a relationship you have never been in one. But you will figure it out as you go just like the rest of us did. None of us have a unique insight into relationships at your age.

You are making two big mistakes first presuming that she’s not from the same type of family that you are based on social media and clothes. Social media is where people put their best face forward. Second because I was poor I can tell you that there are ways to shop and look like a million bucks but have 100. Thrift stores and consignment shops sell designer brands you just have to be willing to look. I shopped and still do at Target, h and M, Walmart. People compliment me all the time and I proudly say that’s from Walmart and I make a six figure salary. So try that for yourself. Look on eBay if you don’t have shops near you. Goodwill is a gold mine especially in wealthy areas. Those people give some really nice things away. Buy a few staple pieces that are a bit more expensive like things you will have forever. A nice pair of black slacks, a tie in a neutral color, jeans. In the States Sears has some really cheap quality stuff. This is to build your confidence.

Because the second mistake you make is misunderstanding what women care about. The thinks you mention I never even thought twice about in school when dating. Women these days make their own money they seek other things out. Besides give yourself some credit you are in college! You may be poor now but you won’t be forever you will make that money trust me.

Just get out there. Ask her out ask others out go on dates. If they talk behind your back so what? Who cares? Own who you are and love it and so will others. One last story from my own life about feeling inferior. I went to Law school on a partial scholarship so the school was not cheap . My Dad sold cars and my mom was a secretary. We were on food stamps for periods of time. But I worked really hard and got ahead. The majority of people at law school had parents who were lawyers or doctors or something like that. I felt like I did not belong and everyone knew it. But I did my work and made some friends with the kids of lawyers and doctors who were not at all how I presumed. But i still felt stupid. I graduated in the top ten percent ahead of most of those kids and now I live a very comfortable life one my parents could have only dreamed of. I was wrong about myself and I suspect so are you. So get out there and make your mark!

 

Inspirational, and excellent advice.

 

I hear your pain man. I grew up in a poor country and came to North America in my teens. When I was a kid my folks struggled with money. Often I didn't get what I wanted, even simple things like a Snickers bar or Nike shoes. In my teens we drove a crappy old car and I was ashamed other kids would judge me so I always told my parents to park at the back of the parking lot. I hoped no one would see me.

Go ahead and ask her out. Don't think too much about it. Girls come and go and most relationships don't work out. We all hate it, but rejection is a big part of life, no way around that. Just try your best with her and see how far you can take it. Think of it like an experiment. You're about to try something new, and that's huge. Congratulate yourself for that, then go for it.

It helps to google stuff like "how to ask a girl out", "how to have a relationship", "how to flirt" etc.

 

But you don’t know that you are not in her league? And don’t assume you want to be. You know nothing about this girl. You are making a superficial judgment based on her looks and clothed and creating a fantasy around someone you don’t know. She could be a total bitch to the men she dates and have no personality. You are letting the shiny packaging distract you.