It’s Day 43 & I’m not feeling the urge as much but my mind goes all over the place. Working on fantasizing less & more on my SO, but now I’ve been thinking about this guy in my class a lot since I see him more often than my SO. If you’ve ever had a crush on anyone other than SO, what do you do? And to like stop it I’m really not trying to invite judgment; I just want to do the right thing, but sometimes it’s so hard.
Take whatever energy and effort you're putting in with that crush, and redirect it to your significant other.
Yes, I have experienced this. I recognise that a crush is a fleeting and superficial thing, and remember that what I have with my wife is a deeper and stronger bond. I do not want to mess up that good thing I've got going. I don't judge myself for it. In my case it's going to happen from time to time. As long as I don't act on it, that's okay.
From what I have read in other journals, what you are experiencing is quite normal. After abstaining from PM/O, the mind is constantly looking for ways to give in the that "just one more". Sounds like it's trying to use your experience of your classmate to work up to relapse. Besides this, unless we're extremely introverted, we do notice other people. Just a fact of life. I'm married and I can appreciate beauty or kindness or humour in other women. But, Yes. And for me, I remember that I made a promise to her. She has a reason to expect me to be faithful to her. On occasion, when I've noticed another woman a little too much, I say "well, that girl is beautiful but my wife is more beautiful. And she's smart and literate and funny." For every one nice or attractive quality you see in your crush, find another three or four qualities in your SO. They are reasons why your SO is better,and why you will stay with them. If you genuinely cannot find these reasons and you're not married, maybe you're in the wrong relationship.
Thanks dude. I swear, your words and everyone else’s is so obvious, but when you’re in a situation, it seems so wise.
Not to hijack this thread...but any thoughts a similar scenario: There was a girl from one of my social sports group that I connected with while in our group ended up meeting up in smaller and smaller groups...but let it fizzle as at the same time met a girl who I've now been seeing for 6 months. If timing was different things might have flipped progression. But keep thinking about this girl cause we may have had a stronger instant connection.
Weigh how committed you are to the person you are dating; is six months serious for you or not? What characteristics of the person you’re dating now will the other person you think about not have? The grass always looks greener on the other side. It’s okay to occasionally think about others, but how do you think of them? ... The previous replies in this thread are pretty good
Day 49 Swell...and I got to the point where I don’t want to throw myself down a hole thinking about the other guy anymore, even though the thought still comes up. I even deleted my Instagram & Twitter, just to prevent myself from trying to look at profiles. Concentrating my emergy on myself, my relationship, and my commitment to no pmo.
Hey - Glad you're doing a little better! This is a really good idea. I've never used them, but many other journals say they have had major edging and PSub issues with them. Well done, keep going!
Day 53 - ummmmm Camped this weekend! With my church group & I got tp spend a lot of time w my SO, not like physically intimate, but very loving stuff & working together. Said I love a lot more than usual so I'm pretty happy about that Urges/thoughts bout sex when I'm around him have decreased & I consider that a good thing. I can think more clearly now. Once in a while, I fantasize but it's maybe once pr twice a day for a very short time
In fact it happened recently. In fact the girl told me she thinks I am having a crush on her. I also told my SO.
Day 56 - doing swell Other guy & I have small interactions here and there, but it’s not occupying my mind that much; yay. Not overthinking it. Fantasized for like 5 minutes before I fell asleep again in the morning (my mind tends to drift when my brain is tired) Been pretty productive & socialized for a few hours with a couple friends today
Day 60 - hiccuped, but okayish Started my morning off rocky cuz my bf hadn’t texted me since he was busy & I started coming up with stupid scenarios of us not working out (this happens more often when I pms & there’s really not much truth to these scenarios at all) But that lead me to fantasizing bout that other person again, maybe 15 min Soon as I got up + outta bed, it was all great from there. Good day, saw my bf, & we were cool, loving. Day 60...2 months... I’m happy w myself. Yeah I still fantasize, but dude... dude does it feel good not to feel like I have to succumb to my urges. It feels good not to have pmo on my mind 24/7. This is the beginning of LIVING. Stay strong friends!
Day 63 - A DREAM! It’s been a while... As I went on with my morning, I remembered that I dreamt that I MO’ed. Like in my dream, I barely went down there for seconds & then MO. In my dream, I felt sorta defeated immediately...LIKE OH NO, my 60 days is gone like that & I wasn’t even conscious. Fantasizing up to maybe 10 min, but not longer thank goodness Pre period makin me lil more crazy???
Day 66 - BLISS I’m so happy dude. Today & yesterday I worked & that means go go go. Great to keep myself moving, like actually moving. Bf visited me at work yesterday. He came over today & we had dinner, ran a quick errand, & ate ice cream for sista’s birthday. All this was in a public space. Why is that important? Because usually I long for more. More alone time, more “intimate” time, more of that sexual stuff. But this weekend, I just really got to enjoy being around each other, conversing, joking, little love touches here and there. That’s what it’s about, not just S on my mind 24/7. Btw, I got my period so thank goodness. Craziness over. Looking forward to hitting the 70s the coming week. Let’s go!!!
Day 67 - Bonding Another day bonding, publicly during volunteering at church & we got maybe half an hour alone at home (‘: - nothing crazy just kissing & cuddling No thoughts whatsoever today either; WHOO!
This is just me but if I had a SO/wife I would tell myself that every other woman was already married. If that doesn’t work then remind yourself that this guy farts and poops like the rest of us and that I’m sure some lady or guy is sick of his shit.
Lmao that’d def work. Telling myself/yourself the other person is taken or that they’re just not as good as your SO & you really wouldn’t end up liking being with them long term About a little over 3 weeks letter since that post, I’m doing better with loving my man more and thinking about the other dude a lot less