Help huge gay thoughts since yesterday

Well yes, most likely we are. I just don’t agree that one year is too long for reboot. 90 days is 100% not enough for most of the people, who escalated to fetish genres and especially for those whose sexual orientation was warped due to porn. Brain of adults require a lot more time to reset to original state. Maybe for those who have mild PIED, 90 days is enough, but for us with severe PIED it is not.

 

Certainly - it takes years for a few guys.

 

We're all Pavlov's salivating dog. Look at a picture and a little hit of dopamine is released. Doesn't take long before you start craving more pictures. If we strap you down, and force you to ejaculate while looking at pictures of Smurfs, sooner or later, we can show you a picture of a Smurf and you'll pop a boner. Doesn't mean that you're in love with a Smurf. Doesn't mean you want to marry a Smurf. It's classical conditional, in this case an addiction. Get rid of the Smurfs and after a while you're conditioning returns to normal.

 

The best approach is probably to not worry about if you're gay or not. There are a lot of benefits to being gay or bi these days, especially being bi.

You're probably not gay from what I've read though. Especially if you couldn't kiss a guy.

^^ This. When you're talking to an attractive woman, even if you're not planning to have sex with her, there's an attraction thing that's happening. You'll know it. If you have that same thing with guys, you're gay/bi. If you don't, you're not.

I think so. Part of my porn thing was that I liked to see a woman genuinely having a good time. If the dude in the scene was ugly then I'd have a hard time believing the woman was actually enjoying the sex.

In a way all heterosexual porn is cuckold porn because you're not actually having sex with the woman, you're watching some other dude have sex with her.

In any case *mystical Japanese music* become the observer and allow the thoughts and sensations to occur and pass without judgement. Don't try to force them not to occur. Don't give them strength by attaching worry to them.

 

thoughts are just thoughts, what matters at the end of the day is what you do.

 

Had the same thoughts. My addicted brain trying to convince me, that I am gay bottom and that’s my sexual orientation, despite me never being attracted to guys in my life.
Your erections will return. I had lucid dreams, with orgasm in the dream, but without release. I don’t think it set me back, but I see it more as your addicted brains last hope. Flatline is wonderful thing, and you shouldn’t worry about it, because it is process of healing. Think about it in a positive way.

 

hey FrenchWinner, thanks so much for sharing your journey with us. When I was your age, I had a lot of the same porn addictions and became convinced I was gay. I spent years in the lifestyle - which was fun - but I never was able to sexually perform IRL. Over the last year, as I started refraining from PMO and feminization / sissy fantasy porn, I find that I am more attracted to women. Some days I ask myself whether I was really straight all this time. Or perhaps I'm bi. Bi always felt so stigmatized though. So my message to you is I'm 32 and feel I'm in the same shoes as you and still trying to figure everything out. Keep up the writing and the good work!

 

If you couldn’t enjoy sex IRL, most likely you are 100% straight. And this is the saddest part, living in illusion. If addiction could convince me I am gay at 19, I could only imagine what it can do to a young undeveloped brain. Before making any conclusions about yourself you should do full reboot. Social identity is very important part of our life, at the age of 32 you should be 100% sure who you are and what is your sexual identity. 50 shades of sexuality is just liberal agenda BS, if you are romantically attracted to women, you are 100% straight.

 

Thanks @MichaelDracula for the sobering reality check and advice. I would love to get to where you're at - 73 days! I'm working on my re-boot. G-dspeed!

 

I recognize myself as a hocd sufferer caused by low self esteem and anxiety and years of porn consumption ever since I was 11, I'm 16 almost 17 now and I never had feelings for guys irl, i had escalated to shotacon erotica and related stuff and switched between straight and this porn, I never had this confusion and this identity crysis until I asked myself recently if I had fapped for so long to this porn and I liked it, does jt mean that Im gay? I dont want to be gay I never felt this way, so i am trying to find reassurance now all the time, i feel like Im losing my libido or I have already lost it, I can hardly get a boner by just looking at girls when just a month ago it was natural, now I am past the terrified phase, and I am more lost than ever, I dont get gay thoughts unless I try to think of how a guy would be like in the place of a girl, at first these thoughts bothered me a lot, but now they just dont do anything to me and I feel like im losing the battle and my identity. My only hope is memories from the past where I had crushes on girls and how much I liked them, and that if I restore my self esteem I will get out of this crysis.
Stay strong brothers, whatever your situation may be like.

 

Man, cheer up. If you lost your interest towards gay sex and stuff it’s already progress. Most likely, you are in flatline, and will recover soon, just be patient, stop thinking about sex, find something else interesting in your life.

When I had 2 failed attempts at sex, when I realized that I spent best years of my life fapping to sissy, cuckold, gay porn, instead or meeting real people and having normal sex. When I realized I don’t have morning woods, I could barely get a boner, I went crazy. I realized, that this is the time for improvement and experiments. Try something new, workout, improve your looks, socialize, study, change yourself for the better. When you finish your reboot, you will not only be healed, but also a better man.

 

I had also spent the last 6 years looking at cuckolding/wife sharing material which then turned into being aroused at the idea of servicing the bull/guy and forced bi caption pics/sissy etc. I am on Day 3 of my reboot and hoping I can escape all this because while I was extremely aroused thinking about it etc I was worreid if I can ever perfrom in real life with a woman since I'm 30 and a virgin and have been watching porn since I was 13 and the trend seemed to get more and more intense.

 

Hey @betterlife1, thanks for sharing your story. I feel I can relate to you in many ways. Good luck and welcome!

 

Thanks Restoring! On Day 4 now, so hoping to keep going strong!

 

Just one comment about "HOCD," which (as a mental health professional, I had never heard of until I came to this site). First, HOCD is currently not an officially recognized mental health condition; it's not listed in the current version of the DSM (which simply may means that there isn't enough research to have it formally recognized; or that it may never be recognized as such). Second, if such a condition exists, let's be on the same page as to what some research indicates it could be: If it exists, it's understood to be a "sub-type" of OCD. If you do not already have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), then you do NOT have HOCD. OCD, for some, can be a very debilitating condition. It means that you have such intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that your life is significantly and negatively impacted.

This is in no way meant to minimize the concerns or possible distress that a guy might have about having gay-related thoughts/images/fantasies, etc. Such thoughts/images/fantasies may mean any number of things ... or nothing at all. Only you can decide what your sexual orientation is. This is part of the journey of self-discovery that we all go through, coming to know ourselves and accept ourselves as we know ourselves to be.

 

If we don’t say HOCD can we at least say it’s conditioning? At least I feel that’s what happened to me. I never considered myself bi or gay but at this point certinaly worry about my sexuality given how things are and I would like to think the type of porn I watched and the frequency has led to this. However it is frustration my physical reactions are more intense to the things I want to get away from than the things I want to go towards

 

This is almost certainly the case. Many, many people report this. It is the result of "escalation", where it takes increasingly harder porn - including stuff that shocks or disgusts you at first, stuff in which you never had any previous interest - in order to get the same effect.

 

It happens in the opposite direction. First addiction brings you to sexual orientation change, and then you develop OCD, because your sober part of mind conflicts with your addicted part of mind. HOCD is just a term, used to describe sexual orientation change and anxiety due to porn. It’s just a term, we don’t have to classify it with regular OCD.

You’re like 5 days into reboot, chill. You won’t see any progress until you are like 45-60 days in at least. It really depends on how young you started and how long have you been into this escalation process.

 

Let's say that if I felt straight all my life (I am 16 almost 17), and had escalated my porn addiction to types of gay/bi porn 1-2 years ago, I still felt straight 100% of the time Irl, I had thought of it as a tabboo porn fetish I just had, but once I realized of the possibility that if I had used this stuff for this long and It didnt put me off but attract me, the questioning and terrifying thoughts and fears came to me. Does that mean that I realized I could be gay and now I am in denial or does it mean that I had recognized that this is who I dont want to be but now Ive used this stuff for so long that I changed myself permanently? On one hand I hope that the attraction towards girls I had since I know about myself will return and the thoughts I sometimes have about guys will fade away and not come back, but on the other hand I fear that I just could have been surpressing this thing that has always been there and now I could be in denial.
Either way, I have never in my life felt like I feel in the past couple of months and never have been so unsure and unguided about things I thought I knew about myself, and I just hope I could return to my old self.