Am I addicted to Porn because of video games?

I've been addicted to porn for well over a decade starting as a young teen and now in my mid twenties.

I use porn as an escape when faced with difficult emotions and situations. When I am sad, lonely, angry, stressed, bored, hungry, tired - or any other negative feeling you can thing of - I use porn so I don't have to deal with it.

Over the last 2 years I have seen my life transform, I got many of the things that I've always wanted, a good well paid job, an education and various other things that have made me really happy with my life. Despite all of that I still haven't kicked the habit.

2 years ago I could barely go 2 days without PMO, but nowadays I can hold off just a bit longer, 2/3 weeks sometimes, but on average about 5/6 days. I credit that really to just being more busy and having goals.

I am at a point in my life now where it really must stop. I have to stop, or I risk ruining something so dear and close my heart. My fiancée is so important to me, she doesn't know of my addiction and I really cannot speak to her about it without breaking her heart. I know some of you may say that I should speak to her, but I really can't, it's not that she is a closed minded and unsympathetic person or something, I just don't have the strength to tell her.

I've spoken to therapists about my addiction and the resultant depression, but I don't feel that it has helped me as I had hoped. I have done a lot of reading into the subject and I have made numerous efforts to stop once and for all. Alas here I am again on noFap complaining to you guys about my failures.

At one point in time I was considering suicide, this is how much porn and masturbation has ruined my life, but I don't think like that any more. I am way too stubborn to let porn be the reason why my life is in tatters.

So now to the point of the post - I recall 5 years ago I gave up porn for 4 months, I gave up porn as soon as I gave up gaming, and I returned to porn as soon as i started gaming again. I know gaming and porn has been talked about a lot before here, and I'm not trying to "attack" gaming and gamers, but as for my self I feel that it is detrimental to my health.

I dont even enjoy games, yet i spend at least 2 hours a day gaming, 4-5 on the weekends, 7+ hours if i've been binging on porn. When i play games, I become more tired, more stressed, more agitated and angry, when before playing I was fine. Once I finish playing games, i feel that urge to masturbate and to watch porn, sometime i fight it, but more often i succumb to it.

I don't like video games, but why cant I stop playing them, I tried un-installing all my games but two days later i had already starting downloading and playing them again!.

I think gaming feeds my porn habit, i think porn feeds my gaming habit.

I have no real and healthy outlet for my emotions.

Should try quit gaming and see if it helps me stop porn?

Im begging god to help me stop, I love my fiancee so much and I want to stop for her.

 

After writing up this post I went on the worst porn binge of my life - and that's not an exaggeration. i had to to lie to my boss to take a day off of work since i stayed up all night using porn. I feel so bad...

 

Reading may be a really good idea actually, I enjoy reading for pleasure and to learn. - Going to give this a go and make it my go to thing if im bored or need to unwind.

 

this makes a lot of sense to me, thanks for your input.

I realise that i am at my most vulnerable or in danger of using porn, when I get back from work, i feel so tired and irritated, its not that my job is stressful, i dont know why i feel stressed and irritated after work. What should i do at that moment? - usually i play video games, but after i finish playing the feeling is worse, and the urge for porn is stronger.

 

Hi All,

Just an update, I haven't PMO'd in 7 days , its a good first step but I'm really feeling the pressure, today I had a close call but i fought back against the urges. That being said its been a very difficult day for me, constant thoughts of sex and pmo.

Just to clarify I'm not saying that games are the root of evil or something I'm just saying that I feel that my video game and porn addictions are linked. This is just my personal experience. I said i would try give up games but I have been gaming this whole week.

yes you are so right. Today is exactly like that, except the porn part, but I was so tempted. I came back from work irritated and tired, played some games and once I finished playing I felt an emptiness and I felt like watching porn. I thought about posting here to see if i would feel better, and yes I do . I might just go out and see some friends or something.

Again thanks for all the responses/advice. I hope I can keep going strong.