30 Something Newbie Here

Hey everybody! First let me say that Im so happy that I found this site, it is so inspirational and motivational to know that Im not alone in this battle. Here is my background info:

I am a 32 year old guy, I have been PMO'ing since I was about 15. I can still remember how it started, I was up late watching a soft core show on Showtime or Cinemax. I remember being totally turned on by it, and I just started taking care of myself, when I climaxed I was shocked,scared and amazed that something could feel so good. I was instantly hooked. My Porn appetite escalated from tame to pretty shocking.

I discovered this site on my last night of PMO ing, I was searching for porn and I ended up on this edging blog,I started reading about edging, and that site led me to this site. Thats pretty weird since this site doesn't really promote edging but go figure! Even though I still finished my session that night, I continued to read and research all the next day, and after all the research I decided that I would attempt the NoFap challenge. I had no idea that so much damage could be done by watching porn.

I remember in my past that I sometimes would have ED issues when I was with girls(60-75% of the time), and when ever I would get B.J's I would barely feel anything. I just use to think that maybe it was the girls lack of technique or something. I always used to hate condoms, I could never feel anything. The only way that I could enjoy sex was if I was violently jackhammering away at the girl. That was how I could receive ample stimulation. Its a shame because I have had some awesome girlfriends who have really tried to please me sexually, but I would always inadvertently sabotage their efforts with self pleasuring. Sometimes right after finishing with a girl, I would PMO just so I could have a better experience. I actually used to say that I wish sex could feel like PMOing.

Days 1-5

The first day I didn't feel any different to report on.

The Second day I remember being EXTRA aroused by every girl that I saw. I sometimes drive a cab for extra cash, as I would drive around anytime that i would come across an attractive woman I remember being super turned on. Also I kind of think I was receiving a little bit more eye contact from them but Im not sure.

Third Day was interesting, I had to go to the bank to pick up a temporary debit card, and i sat and talked and semi-flirted with the banker who was assisting me. It wasn't anything out of control but I took note of it, it wasn't a NORMAL thing for me. She gave me her personal email and requested that I email her about my job, she said she found my line of work interesting and wanted some more info on the specifics. As we were talking she didn't seem too flirty but I did kind of pick up subtle clues, maybe she was just being friendly, Im not sure. If you guys want, I can explain the whole situation in a separate post and you guys can help me evaluate the situation. I did also notice that I was able to articulate myself better this day as well. It was as if the world slowed down so I could think of witty and interesting things to say instead of my usual "Ums or " I don't knows" or just basic responses.

Fourth day Was pretty much the same, I felt good, witty and intelligent. I went to work and performed great in a challenging situation.

Fifth day things got sporty, I had a mini relapse of sorts. I started viewing porn off and on all day BUT I refrained from touching myself. I spent about 3 hours surfing that night but I didn't do anything. A weird thing happened when I finally went to sleep that night. I kept waking up every 30 minutes with like flash backs of porn in my mind. It was weird. I think my brain was tring to sort what happened out. I poked around on this site and others truing to research if looking at porn with out MO will set you back, and most of the answers seem to point to yes. Im not discouraged, because I still feel good, I don't feel like it set me back to much, but we will see how I perform tomorrow at work.

I just want to say thanks to all of you who made it to the end of this novel post that I made, I just wanted to be as open and transparent as possible,if Im going to beat this thing, I have to go all the way. I will let you guys know how things go through this journey. I am also doing The Cold Shower Challenge at the same time, let me know if any of you are doing that as well, and if those benefits are being compounded with the NoFap benefits.

Talk to you guys soon.

 

Let me apologize, I didn't mean to cause any issues. I removed the questionable content from my initial post. I guess I got carried away with truing to get everything off my chest I suppose. Anyway I guess I could do a mini update.

Im halfway through Day 6. So far, I have noticed that my libido has kind of dropped a bit, My energy is fine though. Everything else seems to be ok, so I don't know if my watching Porn yesterday has set me back really or not, I will what happens when I go to work later.

 

Thanks a lot for your feedback guys, I realized with the second half of day 6 that cheating and looking at P defiantly set me back. I remember when I was on days 3 and 4 of no PMO, I was more mentally sharp and confident. Now I was sort of on point yesterday afternoon at work, but it wasn't like day 4. Day 4 of no PMO was awesome, so I want that feeling back.Richardlessman you were one hundred% right on the setback factor.

The NoFap experience has drove me to improve my physical fitness as well, I started running on Day 5, Im pleased so far with that. I also started taking cold showers before work on day 5, which surprising I look forward too.Its defiantly an intense rush. I find it so weird that PMO ing saps your motivation the way it does, when I was younger I figured out that if I wanted to do something with my day, I could not PMO prior to doing it, because it would make it harder for me to accomplish my errands. I figured out that much on my own,but I never drew the conclusion that PMO ing was actually bad. Thank goodness I found this site, if not I would not be 6 days free from MO, I know that for sure.

not2late thanks for keeping my initial post clean. I guess since this is something that I have been struggling with for half of my life, I was just happy to get it all out there, and off my chest, but I went to far. No worries lesson learned. As for your tips I am defiantly realizing that I have to be fully committed to make it through this. I do not have filters installed yet, I will have to get on that. Im currently in the midst of the education phase. Im actually watching The 6 part YBOP series right now. I defiantly have a new outlook on life as a result of this journey so far. Who know that PMO ing could cause the things that it does? Most of my life I have been plagued with procrastination issues, I was always waking up late, and was always generally unmotivated and lazy. The one time in my adult life when I wasn't procrastinating was when I was in Boot camp, and half of job training. Once I got to my duty station and got settled in there, I returned to my old habits and lazy ways. Well those days are over because now I understand what I was doing to myself. I will keep with my day 7, lets stay strong today people.

 

Day 7 was pretty uneventful, I started it with a cold shower and went off to work, I felt pretty good the first two hours of work, but the challenges that my job presents started to make me a bit anxious. My confidence dropped a bit but I got through the day no problems. I have a question for you guys, does listening to porn set you back as well? Or is it just the visual thats the problem? Either way its probably a gate way to worse things but I was just wondering.

 

Well... it has been almost a week and a half since my last update. I will quickly summarize Days 8-19. I had days where I felt awesome,confident,almost invincible, I also had days where I felt down and out full of anxiety and insecure. I had points where I felt into almost every girl that I saw walking down the street,and there where points where I didn't notice anyone. I also discovered my triggers, which happen to be stress and alcohol. During the course of my NoFap journey I have relapsed to P a few times, I didn't edge or O but I did look, since I have been restricting myself they have turned into binge like sessions. Sadly my last P session forced me to stay up all night and miss work. I know that is an irresponsible thing to do. I now realize how much of a problem I have. I would have never noticed this before because the session would not have been special, I would have PMOd and went to sleep, but since Im tring to restrict myself, my brain is telling me to soak up as much P as possible because who knows when I will allow my self to indulge again.(Binge)

I also have noticed that every time I look at P I feel "down" afterwards. Im proud of the fact that I haven't MO'ed during this journey, but I don't think thats my problem, my issue seems to be looking at P. There have been points where I get so excited and anxious to look at it, especial when stress is a factor. I haven't been able to go longer than 4-5 days with out looking at P, so my goal is to go 7 days with out looking P and to take it from there.
My 19 day overall NoFap Recap is that so far it is more challenging that I though it was going to be. I will have to take this battle more seriously. Good luck to everyone else going through this journey, it is eye opening for sure. Lets keep fighting to make it through guys and girls.

 

I wanted to share a motivational video that I saw on another post, shoutout to Markec 120. Really good video for when you hit low points. Today Im at a low point and this made me feel better. Talk to you guys later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vj-ZmYTGAw

 

Ok, So its been a while since I last posted so its time for an update. Since I began this journey in August, I have relapsed several times. I never thought that this would be so difficult. I have just binged and Im tired of doing this over and over.I really have to prove this to myself that I can do this. I can do this. Day one zero hour...

 

Had another setback, I finally put the k9 web filter on my computer to try to stop this from happening. I am hopeful that I can achieve my goal this time.I have to make this work. Day 1 begins...

 

I made it through Day 1. I had a frustrating day in school today,but we had a few motivational speakers come in and I totally took their messages and applied them to my NoFap commitment. I have a job interview tomorrow, I hope I perform well. It feels good to make it past Day 1, lets see what Day 2 has in store for me...

 

Day 2 was pretty uneventful. I handled my job interview in a decent fashion.I got offered the job ,but it conflicts with my school schedule,so I don't think I will accept. I also got hooked up with an internship with a judge. I was going to settle a jury duty issue at the court, and I was introduced to a judge, one thing led to another and she ended offering me an opportunity to intern underneath her. Bring on Day 3...

 

Jeves thanks of reaching out and the well wishes. I wish you the best as well. This is defiantly a tough challenge, but I think its worth it in the end. Fapocalypse, I think this web filter is awesome too. I wish I would have used it sooner.

 

Day 3 done nothing out of the ordinary happened. I went to school did a tutoring session and worked out. Thats about it.

 

Day 4 was good, I didn't get as much homework and housework as I would have liked, but it was ok. I met up with my girlfriend later that evening and we messed around, it took me a while to "stand up to the task" but I was able to perform. I would love to be able to be able to perform with out having to worry my little buddy cooperating with me. Day 5 I just laid around with my girlfriend, we messed around again, this time i didn't have any real issues,other than that I didn't do too much.

 

Almost looked at P today. I caught myself looking at some women in swimsuits online. Thank goodness for the k9 filter, crisis averted

 

Well its been 13 days since my last relapse and their have been ups and downs. I was kind of down for like two days, I think it was around day 10-11( not sure) Anyway today was ok, I felt ok. Nothing crazy to report. Lets see what day 14 has in store for me.