Day 30 on My 30th Birthday

I just reached day 30 of no pmo today on my 30th birthday and it feels amazing! For 6 years I was bound by this addiction and many times I felt like I was doomed to fail, as I was never able to go beyond 3 days before relapsing. I remember all the New Years Resolutions that I made promising to never do it again, and 2 days later I'd be back at it..it sucked. I had depression, body odor, excessive sweating, moodswings, very little drive in life, sleep paralysis, rage, lack of peace...I could probably list a hundred different issues directly related to the pmo, but I think you get the point.

As a man there comes a time when you must put your foot down and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Addictions are a terrible thing, and they destroy countless of lives everyday. We have so much potential as human beings but the fires in our souls get extinguished by these abominable vices that have such a tight grip. Many times I felt powerless to the situation, feeling like there was just no way I could break free from it. And then I'd start to blame my brother for exposing me to porn when I was a teen (he'd been viewing porn and forgot to clear the browser, and as I was innocently looking for games to download, I opened his browsing history). Eventually I came to the realization that blame games and pity parties were not going to deal with my problem..I needed to step up and deal with it as a man.

I believe the reason I failed before was because I didn't have a strong enough "why". Maybe this could be the case for you as well..As much as I suffered and wanted to be free, the temporary cravings seemed to be stronger than the "why I need to quit pmo".

For me the "why" was that porn had negatively affected 90% of the relationships I'd had with women up to this point. I had objectified women heavily and would manipulate them just for sex and I later become emotionally distant. For 5 years I haven't been emotionally involved with a woman, but have had a huge number of sexual partners. This resulted in a string of women that hated my guts for using them. I blame this on porn because prior to the addiction I wasn't really like that. It sort of numbed me in some way. This past 30 days has been an emotional rollercoaster and I've been experiencing emotions that I haven't felt in a really long time.

I decided that I would nolonger use women just for sex, and that I'd live a clean life, free from addictions, and wait for the right woman to come into my life..And so as I go through each day resisting the old ways, I tell myself that I'm doing it for her..that I'm becoming a better man for her, whoever she is. This is my "why" that has got me through the 30 days so far. Everyone will have a different "why", but this will be your anchor whenever you feel the irrational urge to pmo even if you know you'll regret it 30 seconds later.

I hope this post helps someone who feels like they don't have the strength to overcome this thing. I've been there..It can be done, it's not easy but how many worthwhile things in life are easy anyway?

God bless you all.