TL;DR: Porn feeds jealousy. Which feeds insecurity. Which also pushes us to watch more porn. TL;DR x2: Jealousy sucks. Hey fapstronauts, Im gonna be open and honest about something I have struggled with for years. I have a seriously bad case of retroactive jealousy. If you dont know what that is, ill give you the short hand: jealousy of a S/O's past love life. Its every bit of a bitch as it sounds. It's selfish, coming from a place of complete insecurity, and can (and will) take over your thoughts if you allow yourself to dwell on it. As anyone that has experienced retroactive jealousy can attest to, it truly can be your own little personalized hell on earth. A lot of us dudes have been guilty of asking about the "number", how many partners our new S/O may have had. We get little bits and pieces of that one night stand she may have had, or little bits and pieces of their love life with a previous serious relationship. We hear these things, and at first they dont bother us, but over time, as the newness of the relationship wears off, and our inner vulnerabilities tend to show themselves, we often end up regretting asking those questions. Why?? Because we never like the answer. This isn't everyone by any means, but there are a lot of us. As hard as it is for the person experiencing it, the other person on the receiving end of the jealousy has it worse. Often times, they dont want to remember the shit you are asking about, and want to focus more on you and building something new. You are passing judgement on a person, knowingly or unknowingly, for their decisions before they met you. It isn't fair. Its destructive. And I nearly let it destroy my marriage. Where does porn come into all of this? WELL..... LET ME TELL YOU. I often found myself tuning to porn to deal with the feelings of jealousy and frustration I was feeling, instead of looking inward to work on insecurities that I may have had. Porn was an easy fix. One of the more bothersome aspects of long term porn use is that I find scenes have become stuck in my head, especially when I've been watching it recently or binge-ing. When my jealousy starts to act up, I begin to "see" the encounters my S/O may have relayed, sometimes with picturesque clarity, Of course none of which Id actually observed in person (thank god lelelelelele). What does this ALSO have to do with porn? WELL....again, ILL TELL YOU. I began seeing my S/Os face transposed on the faces of performers from the scenes id watched. Yeah. Im fucking crazy. I truly believe that porn and the hyper sexualized, unrealistic images of human sexuality it puts in our heads makes it MUCH easier for those twisted jealous thoughts to appear that much more real. We accept that pornography is how sex truly is, and we live with that expectation and assume that our S/Os previous partners were superior to us....like we are told while watching porn. Every mans self-worth is decided by the size of his penis, and you are told constantly that woman like it "THIS BIG", when we dont match up to those unrealistic expectations.....it just makes us feel worse about ourselves.... the worse we feel about ourselves, the more likely we are to be jealous.... Porn feeds Jealousy. Jealousy feeds Destruction. Yoda bitch. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Im 28, BiPolar type 2, recovering substance abuser. New to this nofap shiz cuz im tired of ruining my marriage due to my porn use. So far.... so good. Day 1 on the counter. THOUGHTS ON THIS SUBJECT?????!!!
I'm sorry that none of what follows will be of any use to the original poster. Just stuff I wanted to say. Never ask your woman a question about her sexual past if there is a possible answer that you won't like. Chris Rock had a line where he said never ask your woman how many guys she's been with because no matter what the number is you will not like it. ( plus most of them lie about it anyhow, but that's a separate issue. ) I learned this the hard way. Once after a long session of great sex with a woman, I asked her if that was the best she ever had. She said no. That's when I learned not to ask questions like that.
I can relate to the jealous feelings, not necessarily the way you mentioned but just generally being jealous of seeing guys going out with beautiful women, i often struggled to get any level of intimacy with women or make clear my feelings for them, which often resulted in me watching them get swept off their feet by some other guy. That fed jealous anger and i think part of the reason why i used porn so much was to try and aleviate the negative emotions and give me some sense of power or control, ironically it was the opposite, i lost control because of the hold it had on me. These days those feelings of anger aren't geared towards those women or the guys who got lucky, i feel more a sense that i could have done better but it's water under the bridge now.
I learned that too. Not for the reasons you mentioned, but mostly because none of that changes who she is, and it wouldn't change my decision to be with her.... As far as girls lying, ive always thought it was whatever they say their number is, you add 5.
I know what you mean. I feel like I wasted time being jealous of things I never was a part of. More over, I feel so stupid that I spent so much time worrying about something that didn't matter, when I could've been focussing on the person that matters. Jealousy is such a worthless emotion. Ugh.
