Hey guys, So I just wanted to confess the influence that porn has had over my faith, and where I'm at now. For a period of seven or so years, I was addicted to porn. I had been raised in a Christian home, but what really made me become a Christian was a mentor that I had growing up. Around 7th Grade, my mom passed away from breast cancer, so this mentor really stepped in to my family and indirectly became the mother figure while simultaneously taking care of her own three kids with her husband. Without her, I wouldn't have nearly the same roots of faith that I do today. However, around this time, innocent curiosity turned into dark addiction and I went under the water. Now I'm mostly sure that my porn addiction didn't start because of my mom passing away, I just think it was that time in my life where hormones start to take control. Throughout those past seven years, I always knew the evil of PMO. I always felt guilt and shame after doing it, and I always regretted it after it was over. To overcome it, I tried going directly to God. Reading the Bible, arming myself with Bible verses, praying in moments of need. But despite this, I would never be able to maintain the motivation to stay away from porn for more than a couple weeks at a time. So I got into these cycles of repenting for my sins, praying and reading the Bible, and over time this would slowly fade. I'd get busy, lose willpower, and fall back into the pit. Over the course of seven years, this definitely took a toll on my faith. I know that God can work through NoFap to carry out His will, but there's a big part of me that feels like He let me down. I asked Him for the strength and determination to rid my life of porn, but He didn't provide. I'm having a very hard time putting my trust in Him because of this, and I know He's here with me now, but I feel like He betrayed me somehow. Anyone else have similar thoughts or words of encouragement to getting your spiritual life back on the tracks? Because right now, I don't know how possible that is for me. Thanks guys, wish y'all the best!
I know how hard it is, and how you just want to run from God every time you fall back into the pit. But you can’t blame God for not helping you. If you really believe in His gospel, then you have hope. Hope of salvation, forgiveness, and freedom from sin in eternal life with Him. Just talk to Him and be in His Word. He will guide you. Be thankful for all the blessings you have, and relish in His love for you. Listen to the song “Do it Again” by Elevation Worship. Maybe you already know it. He can move the mountains. You may think He’s failed you, but trust me, He’s never failed you yet. Stay in His Word and in prayer every day—that’s the best advice I can give. Also listen to “Here in the Presence” by Elevation Worship (aucoustic) when you’re laying down in bed tonight. Praying for you.
Thanks for the response! I will definitely try that tonight. Hopefully abstaining from porn won't be the only habit I start in this reboot.
When Jacob had serious questions about whether God would fulfill his promises on the eve of meeting his brother Esau - the man Jacob feared would kill him - Jacob wrestled with God. Like, threw down, kick, punch, bite, -wrestled. It is why I chose my avatar. Take your questions and your accusations to Him. He's big enough, He can handle it.
