Day 7

bd17 · Jun 8, 2018

Hi, I have joined after a disappointing first sexual encounter with my girlfriend. When I say “disappointing”, I don’t mean she did anything wrong. She was “using her hand” and I could feel almost nothing. After 5 minutes I was slightly panicking, as as that point, on my own, I’m usually pretty much ready to “O.” I suggested we try to have sex, but by the time I’d walked around to her side of the bed I was pretty much “soft.” This would have been the losing of my virginity. I’ve come to realise I am too dependant (although not addicted) to pornography, and likely have ED. I’m 7 days without PMO, it’s actually been fairly doable up until this point. I’m here to reduce my dependency on adult material and replace it with real life intimacy with my girlfriend.

Deleted Account · Jun 9, 2018

bd17 said: ↑

Hi, I have joined after a disappointing first sexual encounter with my girlfriend. When I say “disappointing”, I don’t mean she did anything wrong. She was “using her hand” and I could feel almost nothing. After 5 minutes I was slightly panicking, as as that point, on my own, I’m usually pretty much ready to “O.” I suggested we try to have sex, but by the time I’d walked around to her side of the bed I was pretty much “soft.” This would have been the losing of my virginity. I’ve come to realise I am too dependant (although not addicted) to pornography, and likely have ED. I’m 7 days without PMO, it’s actually been fairly doable up until this point. I’m here to reduce my dependency on adult material and replace it with real life intimacy with my girlfriend.
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Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. Even Jesus himself meditated by going into silence and solitude and praying, then just sitting still and listening to God by being mindful. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!

bd17 · Jun 9, 2018

MeowTheCat said: ↑

Hello pal,

This post is remembering me my good old day.

All men that talked with me about losing their virginity agreed with me on that when I said :

"Everyone's first time is a disaster if not so you never had your first time"

Relax boy, you are definetely not the only one with ED when it comes to lose your virginity.

I see many reasons on your post :

Girl was not doing great

You focus on yourself

You panicked

IT WAS THE FIRST TIME

I insiste on the panick because this the main reason of ED. Next time, I highly recommend you to let go.

This is okay and normal, I even want to say natural. Every doctor would ask you if you can have an erection by yourself if so then you're a perfectly fine.

I won't judge your choice of doing PMO since porn is cleary cancer, it's a good thing that will help you to enjoy your relationship and your sexual life.

If you want to prepare yourself for the next time, here my advices :

Imagine being with that girl

Focus on your desire to have sex

Focus on your pleasur

Think about having an orgasm and how good it feels

While the act :

Feel free to look at the women

Don't ask the women for permission, do, if she is NOT okay, she will let you know, otherwise, don't see her as a precious little thing

Let yourself go into the desir, feel free to think about having an orgasm and how good it feels

Feel free to imagine yourself doing nasty thing to that girl that please you

By enjoying the moment, you will make her enjoy her moment

If you lose your bonner by puting a condom or panicking, finger the girl and when you're hard nuff, go for it

In conclusion, don't be affraid, know your place, know her place. You are both human, you are equal, you have no reason to feel bad about doing sex with that girl, if she let you touch her, it means that you are allowed to go further instead she asks you to stop but don't be scared. It is probably hard for the girl too !

And, if she is making fun of you for that, she is the problem because sex is a thing that your share, if someone make fun of the other then he is not worth to have the moment. It is totally okay to fail mainly if it's the first time !

I can wait you to come back to tell me that you scored and even if it was a disaster, it still was awesome !

Best Regards,
Meow
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Hi, Meow. A lot of interesting viewpoints and bits of advice. I definitely need to learn to relax. She didn’t make fun of me, she’s aware of my issues and thankfully is very supportive. Thanks again, and I’ll post here about what happens!

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Day 7

bd17 Fapstronaut

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