My last rant

This is hopefully my last rant ever. I just feel like the entire world have turned its back on me right now. I mean, how much shit am I supposed to go trough in a lifetime? I cant help but feel like im cursed. I have lost all my friends. I had many a few years back. I was engaged in politics, made many friends there. Was on National and international tv doing interviews. I was doing well in sports and partied most weekends. I got known around campus for my special style with pink shoes and my kashmir and silk shirt, buddhist monk robe etc. But i struggled. I lost some friends in a mass shooting 8 years ago. I think it was 5. 77 persons was killed. Many more wounded. Some of my friends was survivors and struggled after. Some committed suicide. I lived life as normal for a few years. I got new friends and was seemingly doing well but I was starting to break down. My mom is bipolar and got really sick 2 years ago. Attempted suicide. My sister developed Bulimia. My father is a psychopat so we dont speak a lot. Then I started kickboxing. I liked it there and met some people like me with similar stories. I met a friend and we started to hang out a lot. I knew him for a few months and had no idea he struggeled. I spoke with him one evening and he was worried about becoming a father. His girlfriend was pregnant. He told me that he did drugs and thought he had messed up big time. Next morning he was found dead by his flatmates. I wasnt at the furneral. It was too though. Then I got a new friend in the club. He started after this incident. I liked him. He got an abusive father like me and also an uncle who commited suicide. He got a lot of conspiration theories about the world but I saw trough it and saw that he was a interesting guy. We stayed friends for a long time. Did everything together and shared our deepest secrets. I struggled a lot at this stage. I commited suicide three times. Only two friends showed up. That was him and a girl I have known for many years. They visited me regularly when I was in the emergency psyc unit and when I got transferred. I was there for almost a year. When I got back I didnt have any friends other than them. But then my best friend started acting weird. He thought someone was trying to kill me to get to him. Long story so Im making it short. He attempted suicide to save my life. Now he is at the emergency psych. Doesnt want contact with anyone. I met him once but he was a totally different person. My other friend moved out of town so we only communicate on facebook right now. I tried to reintiate communication with some old friends but they all seem to ignore my messages. I dont get it. I feel like everyone freezes me out now.