Greetings! I am a noobling. Here is my story.

Hi! I just joined NoFap as a 22 year old male, but I have in spirit for several years now. Tbh, I don't know what to expect from joining this site, but I have out of desperation.

WARNING! MAY BE DANGEROUS TO READ! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

My story thus far; I would have to say that the desire to fap began young with sex-like dreams with my crush albeit I did not know what sex was or what it looked like yet I was somehow innately aware of the standard position.

I had arguably one of the weirdest sex ed classes ever in 5th grade public school. More to the point, the sex ed teacher said that it was okay to rub my penis just not to much. Which then I had no idea why anyone would want to.

In 6th grade I was hit on often and had sexual gestures made at me making me feel all the more uncomfortable. In the following summer I was sexually awakened after having a crazy dream (it's a bit graphic so I will spare you) which came out of nowhere and was completely unlike me to have. This lead to the strong urge to rub my penis while experimenting with techniques etc.. When I first orgasm-ed I was overwhelmed and instantly hooked. I just had to do it more. And so I did...excessively. I would fap to orgasm up to 6 times a day and at least once everyday. I would try to do it as soon as the urge or slightest desire came about. I was a full blown addict already. I began to try more variations and do bolder things like while a family member was nearby or outside or in front of a window somewhere there was a chance for some one to see me, but no so I would get caught doing it for the thrill. I was 12.

As I aged into my later teens, my desire decreased naturally, however I still did it on a near daily basis. I had access to soft-core porn and had been using it for a few years prior, but at 17 I had access to the internet at home and had the audacity to watch porn and download pictures while my relatives were in the next room without a door to separate us. What made it worse was when I received a laptop as a necessary gift for doing college work. Now I had my own private access to porn at essentially my leisure. Watching porn was very stimulating and made getting off more enjoyable and efficient (so I wouldn't get caught), but this lead to more graphic and depraved porn types as my curiosity and need for a stronger stimulant demanded it.

Once I realized that I couldn't stop fapping if I wanted to in my early teens I tried to quit on and off with little success ( about the same now). Due to unrelated independent research, I was brought back to Christianity and found out that fapping is a sin. I began to quit again on and off. Until recently, I decided to document the days where I do and don't fap in an excel file. It has helped only so slightly and now I have arrived here to document my fight with fapping and hopefully quit indefinitely where the only orgasms I get is with my future wife (whomever she may be).

I would like to quit before I get involved with another relationship. I heard that fapping is mentally taxing and could very well be the cause of my depression and lack of energy so that would be a bonus to be relieved of those problems. I do this not only for myself, but for God, for Jesus, and for my future wife and posterity. Here I am spilling my guts out to you whom would understand what I am going through and hopefully I can be free of this affliction.

Supplemental: I have not made it longer than 2 weeks ever since I was 12 and I am nearly 23 now. I average every 2 days without and 5 days has been my official streak since documenting began. So, naturally my goal for now is to break 5 days consecutive.

AyeDon'tEven