I am lost

Hello everyone. I am new to the site, even though I'm reading nofap forums for quite some time. I am making this post because I can't take it anymore. Let me tell you what I mean.

I'm a heavy porn addict, even being 25 years old. Watching porn for almost a decade made me not having a relationship, ever, and also not knowing if I am straight or gay. It might sounds silly... But I don't know what I am actually.
Because of my addiction to porn, I've also never had sex with anyone, since a few months ago. It was with a guy around my age. I must say we both liked it, and since then we have had sex four more times. The problem is though that I can't have an erection during sex, don't know if it's this 'death grip' they call it here and due to my porn addiction... So all these times, I was the passive one. And I don't like it. At all! I even made out with two ther guys, but still didn't quite like it.

It's not only the pain which I hate when having sex, also the fact that I can't get an erection too, as I wrote before. I feel half a man... I don't like my self being passive, I can't be active... pffff it is killing me! Really don't know if I am gay at all. Do you think that after all these years of porn, it has actually altered my sexuality? Or at least my perspective on it? But if I don't like gay sex, why most of the porn I was watching is homosexual?

When I see young couples in the street, I imagine myself being in the place of the guy, having a girlfriend and be well together. I like that thought, but don't know if I'm gonna be able to ever do it... Yesterday I fapped to porn because that's the only way I could get an erection. I am lost.

 

Well....it seems that you know what you want and you know what you don’t want. I think you also know what you need to do.

Stop PMO.

It won’t be easy but it is well worth it in the long run, my friend. Your true sexuality will be revealed in time if you stick with it...But I think we both know what that already is. Porn addicts can escalate to watching porn that doesn’t really reflect their true selfs. I think this may be the case with you.

Stay strong. Stay off PMO. Your erections and masculinity will return with time. YOU will be the guy with the girl walking down the street.

 

First of all, you are definitelly not lost. Don't you think about yourself in that way. You can have problems, maybe really serious, but it is always hope and you can change your situation. I'm pretty sure that writting here is in fact the beginning of your own journey to the better life.

Porn can and most likely affected your sexuallity. It is possible than you watch only gay porn, not because you are attracted to men, but only because everything else became boring to you due to the long period of using it. I think you need to stop porn for a while to be capable to find out who you really are. Maybe you are bisexual or homosexual, and maybe not. It is nothing wrong with that, but you must be sure this is what you want. You are probably blinded, because of PMO addiction, so you cannot see yourself in clear way - you need to take off blindfold of that before judging yourself.

Did you really fapped because you wanted to have erection? You don't need to have erection now - it is not obligatory, so maybe it is just excuse? Spend a while thinking about why did you do that? It was about erection really? Way to prove yourself? Or maybe it was only about coping with stress, fear or shame?

Bless you, friend!