Hey guys, 37 year old guy here with testosterone in the normal range. I have been on Headspace mindfulness meditation program relatively consistently for several months now. This consists of a 15-20 minute guided meditation, which I perform typically in the morning first thing when I wake up. I have recently resumed NoFap and am currently on day 7 of abstinence. When I do my meditation in the morning, I frequently find myself having thoughts about women, sexual urges and desire. Of course, while I am abstaining I also have these thoughts throughout the day, but I am particularly frustrated when they arise during the meditation, because these thoughts completely take me out of my meditation. From what I understand, the aim of mindfulness is to become more aware of thoughts and feelings. I am aware that I am having sexual thoughts during the meditation, but they are often too powerful to simply "note and return to focusing on the breath" as the technique advises. The sexual drive, craving, lust overpowers my ability to simply note that as a thought and I lose my capacity to focus on the breath. Is anyone else using mindfulness technique and having similar experience? If so, any tips on how to deal with this?
Hi, I have some experience with mindfulness and vipassana methods. In my understanding, the method is supposed to be flexible and help you find what works best for you. Not exactly sure how "Headspace" works, and I'm especially curious about how the method of "noting" is explained. I guess there can be more approaches to your issue. If you were simply doing breath awareness meditation, a possible advice might be to just go back to the breath, again and again. You would do that to the best of your ability, and won't worry if you don't succeed according to your expectancy, because the ability should improve with practice. The way I have practiced, is to follow and note the whatever object of mindfulness is in my mind. From the words you have written, it's difficult to assume what goes on in your mind, but maybe you're trying to "force" the returning to the breath, earlier than you are able to. So just try to "note" the sexual image or the lust, or whatever you have there, for a little longer time. Also, try to be clear about what exactly you are noting: for example, what part of the sexual image you are noting. Or if you're noting your "lust", what exactly you are noting ? Or again, if you're noting the "overpowering ability", of your sexual drive, what exactly do you find at the place that you are noting?
Hello mate. Welcome back. I am a big fan of Pema Chordon books and I've read quite a few of them. She's a gem literally. A nice teacher of mindfulness and meditation. You can read her books to learn more about the path you have already walked in. I try to answer your question to the best of my knowledge since I have the same problem as you. Sexual thoughts, porn pictures and visualizations usually attack me in my meditation sessions. I even get erections... it's sounds shameful at first... be that as it may the target of meditation is to be a great observer... see those pictures... those lustful thoughts... get erections and still do nothing... just observe what is going on in your mind and your body. I have done this and I can say I am pretty efficient at controlling my thoughts now... they always come and I observe them instead of fighting them... Try not to make them go away... just be in the moment and observe them. They have come to show you something. If you are not ready to get that message now... so be it, it's OK. Just be there and watch your mind and body. Do absolutely nothing. Let your guard down to find peace. That is what you should do in my opinion. Good luck mate.
Thanks for your replies brothers. I haven't practiced much meditation prior to starting Headspace, but have been a regular yoga practitioner for years. My understanding is that Headspace is a mindfulness breath awareness technique that is similar to what you described. Maybe I should try a different guided meditation or technique, or find a meditation group to join to investigate other methods of practice. I am able to note most of my thoughts fairly well and return to the breath. After 5-7 days without release, my sexual thoughts become far more powerful than other thoughts and emotions such as fear, happiness or anxiety. Specifically, I fantasize about a sexy woman who pleasured me in the past and showed me new things that I had not experienced before. She lives very close by and would be willing to pleasure me at moment's notice. This temptation and curiosity is too powerful for the noting technique. When I have this thought, I get an erection and I am not able to return to the breath. This is very encouraging. I will look into Pema Chodron. Could I ask how long you practiced meditation before you were able to control your sexual thoughts? I think you guys have both given great advice and I will continue practicing with hope of being able to observe these thoughts without losing my focus on breath.
To be honest I've never been a disciplined meditator... But I practiced that method for over 2 months, although I am pretty experienced in meditating for about like 1 year...
Check in the headspace app - there is a section in your profile settings called "Obstacles", which has inside it a range of recordings which help you deal with difficulties. One of these recordings is called "desire" or "lust", I do not remember specifically. It deals with sexual desire and will surely help you.
First, it's not necessarily a problem if you are not able to return to the breath. Mindfulness is about being aware about whatever goes on in your mind/body. Which can include sexual desire and such. The breath is there just as a basic meditation object that you can return to when you are able. Second, why does an erection prevent you to return to the breath ?
Thanks for the tip @Mezach, I will check that out. It's not the erection that prevents me returning to the breath, it is the power of the thought. The erection is the physical response to the power of the lust. These thoughts are much more powerful than most. In any event, I think you guys have answered my question. I just think I need to keep at it, and trust that with more practice I will be able to observe these thoughts rather than getting carried away by them. Thanks brothers
Just wanted to update that I've been continuing to consistently been meditating every morning. I'm currently on day 10 on no PMO. I haven't had intense sexual thoughts or physical arousal the last couple days during meditation, and am really happy about that. Also, I noticed that when I used to get aroused that I would think to myself things like "good God my dick is hard", "sh*t she is so sexy", "holy f*ck I am horny as hell". Recently when I have sexual thoughts, I have been retraining my mind to just simply think "Ah, arousal" instead. I think this has been really helpful. Essentially this is applying the Headspace (mindfulness) technique of noting to my sexual thoughts. I previously thought that these thoughts were too powerful to note, but I was deceiving myself. They are thoughts like others and they wax and wane with time. I still get intense morning wood, and have strong urges, but this is just part of being a man. I am becoming a more empowered man.
That's part of the issue in a nutshell, identifying too much with the sexual process and accepting it as 'you' when in fact it may not be you at all. It is something that afflicts the mind, though don't take that as a negative implication. Sexual thoughts seemingly have a direct pipeline into your consciousness and always seem to get to the front of the queue. When you're relaxed in meditation it seems even easier for these thoughts to pop up, or when you're in the sleep state/dreams. If they come up in meditation I think remaining neutral is the wrong strategy as they will continue to assail you - this is in my opinion good evidence for these thoughts being imposed upon the mind from an external source, and not by you (or the body). It's too easy to get swept along and before you know it you're aroused. It doesn't seem to behave in the same way other memories or thoughts do. The strategy, IMO, is not to sit with it but to actively turn your head away from it, don't buy into what it's selling, and spin the wheel so you're now thinking about something else. You can't be focused on two things at once. Shift your attention to something else, maybe planned in advance. With enough determination you can deflect it. Then you must also learn to be able to stand strong and not give in to the nagging doubting thoughts that will follow, the "just take a quick look at this.." type of rationalizations, that try to get your focus back towards the sex mood.
