I'm ready

I was introduced to both pornography and masturbation by my best friend about a week before my 12th birthday. At that moment, I knew that what I was doing was, at least for me, wrong, but out of a need to express feelings of childish rebellion or maybe just curiosity, I went ahead anyway.

I don't know if I have the appropriate perspective to appropriately categorize that night in retrospect, but to say that it was transformational would be like trying to apply the same adjective to the metamorphosis of a catepillar into a butterfly: I became, slowly but surely, a different person. What I do know, however, is that after 5 years of a maelstrom of self-hate, self-pity, depression, apathy, and every other emotion known to man except for the good ones, I want to change. Not only my habits as they relate to porn and masturbation but everything that makes life feel lifeless like gluttony and social impotence.

All that is not to say that there haven't been good times and good friends throughout that time; there have been. But now, I'm ready to throw away that which has hindered me from living to the fullest those years which were supposed to be some of the best of my life -- it's a simple as that.

To be completely honest, I've had an accountability partner before and I've tried for so blasted long to change my ways that, despite my well wishes, can't really believe that NoFap could really help, but I also realize that I need other people in order to make the changes in my life that I desire.

As a final note, for the curious, I am a Christian, and how my faith has affected my struggle with masturbation and porn is probably a topic for a book or at least a thread, but suffice it to say that my faith has helped me throughout these years as I have seen, through lots of little things, the ways in which God has blessed me and strengthened me.

Thanks

 

Thank you both for your encouragement and your prayers. What parts of NoFap have you found to be most helpful?