How many breaches of trust are acceptable?

I can’t speak for you or your relationship but if it were me, and my husband was sneaking porn right there in front of me a year after D-Day, I would call it quits right then and there.

 

I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through all of this recurring pain and trauma, and I wish you all my best in your journey down this road of healing. I wanted to answer the question in the title of this thread:

How many breaches of trust are acceptable?

None. Not even a single breach is acceptable- The nature of an addiction is to hide, to escape from responsibilities and commitments, I understand that. But no relationship can survive without trust, without responsibilities and ownership. My father still emails me, the same message over and over again. 'Despite what happened, I will always be your father.' How? This is not a relationship. Where trust is broken again and again, without any changed behaviour, especially if that trust is broken with an understanding however little, that you will be hurt. Something needs to change, before a relationship can move on, if at all it does.

Your boyfriend has not been recovering, and he has been lying to you. I will be honest, I cannot imagine the mental torment you are going through right now, but I know my mom went through the same thing and I could not stand watching her in all that pain. I wish you strength and clarity of mind to decide when the time comes to walk away or stay with him.

 

Oh, believe me, so do I. I have a five-year-old and a two-year-old and I have no job but people have made it through much worse things with much less than what I have, and I know that I would rather have to figure out how to take care of those kids on my own then allow myself to live my whole life being treated in such a horrible way. Which is exactly why I am currently in school and I have 2/4 left until I have a career certificate so that I could be prepared for the worst. Plus, I know he will always help with the kids and do his part as a father, financially and otherwise- Wether we are married or not.

 

Right, plus I don’t know about your husband but if he’s anything like mine- I know my kids will always be taken care of in every way by him wether we are married or not. So I am not super worried about that part, either way.

 

I am really really sorry to hear that. That’s awful. Is there any way you can make it so that you don’t need to rely on him for the kids to be cared for? Because that’s not a good father at all, and I am sure you can do a much better job on your own.

 

We have a app called hoverwatch with sends me screen shots of my husband phone so I can see exactly what he's looking at.