Giving the lady attention

Vixen · Oct 21, 2018

Okay guys I want to know your experiences and ideas on this matter. Is it counter-intuitive to perform sex acts on your partner during reboot if you still deny yourself?

I discovered my husband’s addiction to porn and sex chatrooms about a month ago. The first couple of weeks were rough for me with the betrayal but with this recovery attempt he has seemed to become a totally better version of his precious grumpy cynical neglectful self.

He’s gotten a lot more affectionate, helpful, and handsy. And we have gotten a lot more open and honest about things over the last month. After a date night last night he was all over me and I went with the flow... he gave me tons of attention to my O. He understands he needs his brain to reset over 90 days so aside from making out, I was hands off his tools.

I’m wondering if this is risky business? He says it wasn’t a trigger for him and that he feels fine.

It was great for me and very refreshing compared to our relationship before which was pretty much always focused on his O with little regard on his part to my satisfaction. I also turned lights on so it was intimate (rather than the middle of the night barely conscious sex we used to rarely have.)

Sooo let me know if any of you guys have performed on a partner during reboot, (without any MO to yourself), and how that may have affected your PA recovery? Thoughts welcome!

Meditation Monk · Oct 21, 2018

Well, I am not a coach in sex relationships or couples dating during sexual times etc so I rarely have any expertise in this area. lol. I am a guy and I struggle with this addiction and I started out in my early 20s and now I am 29. If you have spotify, I suggest you listen to a show called recovery addiction and this dude he has a lot of wisdom on all kinds of addictions and the impact it has on people. Good luck.

Fallensoldier1 · Oct 21, 2018

I have always heard most people saying him getting a O is fine as long as it is from you. He cannot touch himself at all. His brain has to relearn healthy sex. And that means none of it can be from him or obviously no looking at any P or other arousing material. As ghost writer said, it might take him a little longer to reboot. Unfortunately I’m in a marital separation and probably headed for divorce, but I know that cutting out P or anything made me want to go crazy for my spouse. I unfortunately have no way for a sexual release currently. I am not wanting to do it on my own. And I am not going to go messing around behind my wife’s back, even if we are separated, we are still married.

Queenie%Bee · Oct 21, 2018

Vixen said: ↑

Okay guys I want to know your experiences and ideas on this matter. Is it counter-intuitive to perform sex acts on your partner during reboot if you still deny yourself?

I discovered my husband’s addiction to porn and sex chatrooms about a month ago. The first couple of weeks were rough for me with the betrayal but with this recovery attempt he has seemed to become a totally better version of his precious grumpy cynical neglectful self.

He’s gotten a lot more affectionate, helpful, and handsy. And we have gotten a lot more open and honest about things over the last month. After a date night last night he was all over me and I went with the flow... he gave me tons of attention to my O. He understands he needs his brain to reset over 90 days so aside from making out, I was hands off his tools.

I’m wondering if this is risky business? He says it wasn’t a trigger for him and that he feels fine.

It was great for me and very refreshing compared to our relationship before which was pretty much always focused on his O with little regard on his part to my satisfaction. I also turned lights on so it was intimate (rather than the middle of the night barely conscious sex we used to rarely have.)

Sooo let me know if any of you guys have performed on a partner during reboot, (without any MO to yourself), and how that may have affected your PA recovery? Thoughts welcome!
Click to expand...

We did things this way for 30 then O together w NO PIV for 90 , it’s different for everyone. And yes I did enjoy the attention I was being neglected of

Dutchdad · Oct 23, 2018

Vixen said: ↑

Okay guys I want to know your experiences and ideas on this matter. Is it counter-intuitive to perform sex acts on your partner during reboot if you still deny yourself?

I discovered my husband’s addiction to porn and sex chatrooms about a month ago. The first couple of weeks were rough for me with the betrayal but with this recovery attempt he has seemed to become a totally better version of his precious grumpy cynical neglectful self.

He’s gotten a lot more affectionate, helpful, and handsy. And we have gotten a lot more open and honest about things over the last month. After a date night last night he was all over me and I went with the flow... he gave me tons of attention to my O. He understands he needs his brain to reset over 90 days so aside from making out, I was hands off his tools.

I’m wondering if this is risky business? He says it wasn’t a trigger for him and that he feels fine.

It was great for me and very refreshing compared to our relationship before which was pretty much always focused on his O with little regard on his part to my satisfaction. I also turned lights on so it was intimate (rather than the middle of the night barely conscious sex we used to rarely have.)

Sooo let me know if any of you guys have performed on a partner during reboot, (without any MO to yourself), and how that may have affected your PA recovery? Thoughts welcome!
Click to expand...

Exactly what we did a week ago. Gave my wife a really nice oral O but it wasn't easy for her nor me to stay hands off. But we managed !!

Deleted Account · Oct 23, 2018

Vixen said: ↑

Okay guys I want to know your experiences and ideas on this matter. Is it counter-intuitive to perform sex acts on your partner during reboot if you still deny yourself?

I discovered my husband’s addiction to porn and sex chatrooms about a month ago. The first couple of weeks were rough for me with the betrayal but with this recovery attempt he has seemed to become a totally better version of his precious grumpy cynical neglectful self.

He’s gotten a lot more affectionate, helpful, and handsy. And we have gotten a lot more open and honest about things over the last month. After a date night last night he was all over me and I went with the flow... he gave me tons of attention to my O. He understands he needs his brain to reset over 90 days so aside from making out, I was hands off his tools.

I’m wondering if this is risky business? He says it wasn’t a trigger for him and that he feels fine.

It was great for me and very refreshing compared to our relationship before which was pretty much always focused on his O with little regard on his part to my satisfaction. I also turned lights on so it was intimate (rather than the middle of the night barely conscious sex we used to rarely have.)

Sooo let me know if any of you guys have performed on a partner during reboot, (without any MO to yourself), and how that may have affected your PA recovery? Thoughts welcome!
Click to expand...

Two schools of thought: some say no sexual period, instead concentrate on intimacy: kissing, cuddling, touching.

Others say as long as the SO is the one reviving the attention its all good. I’m kind of in this camp. Let the SO have all attention and do what you want, just keep the man-parts out of it. No M, no O no stimulation for the Addict.

Vixen · Oct 23, 2018

Very interesting analogy. Hmm. Queue more soul searching. I’m not sure if I’m in and out of denial/naïveté or if he’s truly progressing well in recovery and I’m simply triggered to doubt when he doesn’t communicate/initiate enough. Maybe somewhere in between.

Deleted Account · Oct 23, 2018

Hi Vixen,

Very interesting question. I wrote about my own experience with my wife on this very question here.

I think it's a mixed bag. I had some testicle pain afterwards (not severe - just some soreness), so I came to the conclusion that it was probably best we didn't do that every day. Also, I'm a bit of a romantic, so these little halfway sex sessions detracted slightly from day 90 feeling like a great culmination. However, for my wife, it was actually really moving for her that I would pleasure her and ask nothing in return, and I loved seeing her so happy. I also gained confidence in my own strength and control. So I think I'd recommend doing it a couple times, but not often during a reboot.

Vixen · Oct 23, 2018

Lavrans said: ↑

Hi Vixen,

Very interesting question. I wrote about my own experience with my wife on this very question here.

I think it's a mixed bag. I had some testicle pain afterwards (not severe - just some soreness), so I came to the conclusion that it was probably best we didn't do that every day. Also, I'm a bit of a romantic, so these little halfway sex sessions detracted slightly from day 90 feeling like a great culmination. However, for my wife, it was actually really moving for her that I would pleasure her and ask nothing in return, and I loved seeing her so happy. I also gained confidence in my own strength and control. So I think I'd recommend doing it a couple times, but not often during a reboot.
Click to expand...

Great thouhts! Thank you for sharing. Definitely interesting to consider an unbiased male perspective on this.

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Giving the lady attention

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