Hi everybody, I need help. I recently got married, and never told my wife about my porn addiction. She recently found out, and needless to say she is devastated. I am looking to get help so I can stop my addiction and hope to repair my marriage. Obviously, I was exposed to porn at a very young age and it has been a part of my life while I grew up and hid this from her. Knowing what I did, and how much it hurt her was never my intention. It was only to satisfy my selfish needs. My brain chemistry is messed up, and I'm looking for a reboot and I am hoping that this community can help me achieving my goals, and as a way to help build the trust back.
I understand how you feel man, I am young as well (18 years of age) and I have been struggling with porn for 3 years. Anyway, a good way to make your wife feel better is sit her down and say that you are committed to quiting and that you will abstain, believe me that will make her feel better for now. I can't tell you how many times I replased, and my last advice for you is to push through wether it's intrusive thoughts or urges you can do this everyone here and myself are here for you.
You're in the right place. Welcome. This will be the hardest and best thing you have ever done. I can confidently say that without knowing you. Your young exposure, like mine, like most of the guys on here, provided fertile soil for addiction to take root and go deep. The good news is that recovery can happen. The sobering news is that it will take a long time. Of course you can get the behavior under control fairly quickly. Keeping it there will take a lot of work. I would encourage you to find a CSAT counselor and start working on a full disclosure letter( as in everything) for your wife. You need to do this so it doesn't dribble out piece by piece and so that you don't have any lies or secrets you are keeping from her. She should also get counseling from someone that specializes in this issue. Two things that you need to know. 1. Your wife is far more hurt by this than you can possibly understand. Please take 5 minutes and watch the video What Happened. 2. It will take her longer than you want it to for her to "just get over it". Please understand I'm not trying to beat you up. I'm just hoping to help you get it so you don't minimize and make some of the mistakes i did in the early discoveries in my marriage. I'm glad you're here and good job reaching out for support.
Hey Canuckskate, Welcome to the community. I relate to the early exposure and Committed to One gave you some awesome advice. I am not married but I have experienced the devastation of girlfriends finding out about my addiction and it making the relationship challenging... at the time I would think.... they will get over it without really examining myself.... and it cost me the relationship every time. This is a blessing in some ways.... because I truly believe if you are committed to change.... and committed to your wife.... you will be successful with both... take this seriously.... step up as the good man you are and work with everything you have to prove to both yourself and your wife that you are strong and she is worth it (and so are you)!!! God Bless
Thanks everybody. It helps to realize that there others that are in the same circumstance and are willing to look for change. @h648 - I understand your plight. I think the very first step is admitting you have a problem. Unfortunately it takes a turn of events for most people, like me, to admit that you have a problem and it's affecting the person you love. Are you currently in a relationship that your SO knows either this happened previously or now. And if so, what are some mechanisms to deal with that situation? Can I ask what things caused you to relapsed?
