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Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by tcunha, Jan 30, 2015.

  1. Jan 30, 2015 #1
    tcunha

    tcunha Fapstronaut

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    I posted this in the Newbies thread but im gonna repeat it here..

    Ive fapped since i was maybe 14yo and kept fapping after being in this relationship... in the begining we had lots of sex so i didnt fap, but with time and less sex (her low libido probably because of birth control pills)i went back to fapping, not every day but at least 2 or 3 times a week... Today i realised im probably a sex addict, which is causing problems in my marriage, which leads to not having sex, which leads to fapping, which Im starting to believe is the cause of my sex addiction... Its a vicious cycle... So no more fapping!

    Any one else has been in this situation?
     
    tcunha, Jan 30, 2015
    tcunha, Jan 30, 2015
    #1
  2. Jan 30, 2015 #2
    faithful

    faithful Fapstronaut

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    I'm right there with you guys. I have a great marriage, and yet early on in our marriage my 20+ years of P & M addiction lead me all the way to cheating on my wife. I never thought I'd ever be capable of doing that! But, it made me realize how far I had fallen with it all. Even after confessing and seeking counsel, I still struggled with P & M.
    I started attending Celebrate Recovery about a year ago, finding a sponsor and accountability partners. Things haven't been perfect, but I rarely mess up now, and my marriage and sex life has never been better! My aim each year is to slip up less than the previous, to where I am totally P & M free, and totally faithful to my wife.

    Good luck to you on your journey, hope this is an encouragement to you!
     
    faithful, Jan 30, 2015
    faithful, Jan 30, 2015
    #2
  3. Jan 30, 2015 #3
    tcunha

    tcunha Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the replies!

    I never cheated on my wife with another woman. The problem is on both sides I guess(mostly me!)...
    her low libido\sex drive and my high libido\sex drive and my expectations lead to discussions that end up bringing other issues and more discussions... My focus on sex and physical intimacy made me ignore other parts of my life that she admired me for!
    So like I said, its a cycle... if I am able to reboot my brain and make it think less about sex, I'll be able to focus on my life so that she can admire me and be proud of me again and recover our relationship and sex life!
     
    tcunha, Jan 30, 2015
    tcunha, Jan 30, 2015
    #3
  4. Jan 30, 2015 #4
    faithful

    faithful Fapstronaut

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    One thing that's helped me connect better with my wife has been to realize the importance of emotional and spiritual intimacy. When I focus on being more emotionally and spiritually vulnerable the physical intimacy seems to follow.
     
    faithful, Jan 30, 2015
    faithful, Jan 30, 2015
    #4
  5. Feb 2, 2015 #5
    tcunha

    tcunha Fapstronaut

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    that's why I want to stay away from PM.. so that I can focus on other aspects of my relationship and hopefully the intimacy will improve...
     
    tcunha, Feb 2, 2015
    tcunha, Feb 2, 2015
    #5
  6. Feb 6, 2015 #6
    tcunha

    tcunha Fapstronaut

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    So far almost 9 days without PMO and going just fine... had no urges to do it and no need for cold showers!
    Also didn't have sex with the wife... last time was almost 2 months ago...
    We had a conversation the other day and she said her hormonal system is all messed up because last august she stopped taking the birth control pill because we were thinking about having kids, then we had a small marital crysis and the next month the started taking it again... Can it be one of the reasons of her current low libido?

    Any ladies here that can share the effects of the pill on their sex lifes?

    thanks
     
    tcunha, Feb 6, 2015
    tcunha, Feb 6, 2015
    #6
  7. Feb 6, 2015 #7
    J-Kiwin

    J-Kiwin Fapstronaut

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    Wow, this really resonated with me. My apparent high sex drive and her low sex drive...expectations. During this reboot process (Day 17 of no PMO after 25+ years) I'm really finding myself peeling back the layers of these assumptions and thinking, just maybe, it's the addiction that actually holds these beliefs! It's this addiction that is causing such stress when it comes to sex. Because of my P induced problems (frequent ED and PE; death grip issues), performance anxiety has been a HUGE problem and I've regularly blamed my wife's "low sex drive" for my own shortcomings. Hmmm. Thank you for posting such a thought provoking note.
     
    J-Kiwin, Feb 6, 2015
    J-Kiwin, Feb 6, 2015
    #7
  8. Feb 7, 2015 #8
    M L

    M L Guest

    Hi tuncha,

    I was on the pill for about 5 years when I was a lot younger. It messed with my body a lot. I was cranky, irritable, teary. I think bring those things made emotional connection more difficult, which led to less sex.
    Hormonal contraceptives are very invasive on a woman's body. I'm happy to say that I am far more balanced (normal monthly variations only) and agreeable to intimacy now.
     
    M L, Feb 7, 2015
    M L, Feb 7, 2015
    #8
  9. Feb 10, 2015 #9
    db_dan

    db_dan Fapstronaut

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    This is basically exactly the situation between my wife and I. Our sex life can only be repaired when I get my PMO habit under control.
     
    db_dan, Feb 10, 2015
    db_dan, Feb 10, 2015
    #9

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