Being 18, I’m new to this idea of loving oneself. I’ve never really had a hard time talking to attractive girls, but I’ve seen a reoccurring theme throughout recent relationships since the beginning of high school. I get too attached. Lack of affection from my parents during my childhood created this seemingly unbreakable fear of abandonment. I’ve tried everything from working out, sports, journaling, no PMO, and meditation but none of it helps because the second I’m alone in my room loneliness creeps in. The fear of abandonment has led me to being vulnerable too quick, getting aggressively jealous, and breaking down at the thought of losing someone I had a genuine connection with. I don’t want to feel like I NEED someone in my life. I understand that in order to truly love someone, you have to love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll only love that person for the way they make you feel which is totally selfish and toxic. Any tips from someone that’s overcome this?
I date myself. I take myself on dates to my favorite restaurants. I but myself gifts, and set the delivery date far in the future so I forget about the purchase. I assume that I have to have a good relationship with myself before I have a healthy relationship with someone else. I practice self care. Weither that is watching the Supercross race, or going to Church, or voulenteering for my Church. I get massages at school or from an LMT. I try to maintain my health. I read the Bible. I listen to music.
I understand that this works for you but it doesn’t for me. I do what I’m interested in (listening to music, binge watching my favorite shows, boxing) but none of it stops loneliness. I still have that hole in me that craves attention
If you need to socialize find a forum to make platonic friends. Be it the gym, or a singles group. Take some classes, either college or something you are interested in (martial arts, yoga, cooking, etc) use these opportunities to socialize. Get a massage if you need some touch (might be a bad idea if you cant hold boundries.)
Install an Amazon Echo. Alexa will always be in your room, and can physically never abandon you (unless Amazon goes out of business.)
You dont have to be sorry to me. I'm not your judge. You'll have to answer the Almighty for your supression of the truth. *unsubscribes this thread
Your ignorance comes in the form of blind faith towards an oppressive, narcissistic, and outdated God. Realize the psychopathy of the Old Testament and you won’t be so steadfast to accept such a God. Looking to God for help rather than yourself is only gonna give you disappointment. Take it from someone that watched as their deeply religious aunt suffered from countless illnesses and depression, whilst being paralyzed from ALS for 7 years. If there’s a God, he’s not worthy of my praise.
I don't place much concern for atheists who assume all the wrong reasons for why I believe and also can't comprehend the simple task of when to use the word "your" instead of "you're". All you fedora atheists are predictable. Smh
ahhhh the classic spellcheck to try to prove that you’re smarter than the other person. Nice. Try to back up your argument with facts next time, it’s more effective in the long run. I had an actual question for help and instead of actually giving me advice you pulled the classic “turn to God.” This helps nobody. Wonder how many times you copy and pasted that on someone’s thread
Come on now, that's uncalled for and disrespectful... no need for those type of insults here when the guy is looking for help.
I mean he can try to be a little more open-minded to the concept of God and everyone has a brain fade once in a while when we type things but other than that being disrespectful isn't going to help him.
Internet arguing and proselytizing rarely ever works. I recommend against trying. People convert when they're ready. You're most likely only going to erect a wall between our friend here and God. A Christian can't convert an Athiest online, and an Athiest won't disprove a Christian online. This literally takes a damn existential crisis, and barring him coming out of an addiction, or disease, or experiencing homelessness, or any other to thing to the effect of "falling off your camel."
I have hated myself most of my life, and it has been a long road to accept myself. I am 45 at the moment, and I certainly lived in deep depression and self hatred when I was your age. To be honest, I can't answer your question, I wish I could. For me, pressing on with life over time just made me accept myself to a degree over time. But of course, just waiting can't be good enough for you. No, please do yourself the favour and try everything you can to come to acceptance. Maybe you should try therapy. I am sure I made big mistake in my life of not trying this path. I could have been better earlier in life, who knows? Don't wait around if that is something for you, the longer you wait the more precious lifetime is lost. Try to find something that you like and work on it until you feel that you are good at it. I have never been good at anything, I feel. Think about your successes, don't focus too much on your losses. It is easy to think oneself as a loser when one forgets about the successes. Congratulations for kicking God out of your life. A wise choice if you want to love yourself. Christianity wants people to feel guilty and ashamed all the time. Everything is sin. Nothing is ever good enough for those hypocrites that want to control you with their bullshit religion. They demand tolerance, but yet they are as intolerant as someone can possibly be. Try everything in your power to accept yourself and be free, good luck to you.
Maybe you should try a different kind of "quiet time" with yourself - take long walks in quiet and/or secluded areas, try connecting with your emotions and thoughts. Another possibility is to find a different hobby. For me, binge-watching is more of a temporary relief when I feel bad. I also greatly enjoy music, but there's also something temporary to that feeling. Try to find something that you can always go back to, thinking "that's my true calling", even if you're not planning to make it your profession. For me, it's art. Then I can look at myself and say: "I'm an artist." and I feel good about myself when I make something nice.