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I am a sad wanker

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by nycewon, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. Jan 13, 2019 #1
    nycewon

    nycewon New Fapstronaut

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    hey everybody

    i decided to have another try at releasing myself from a lifelong habit of daily PMO starting from 11 or so years of age. this isn't my first attempt and i'm sure it wont be the last. my longest dry spell, excuse the almost pun, has been going um, unsatisfied, for about 21 days. this was a couple of years ago so my memory is not completely clear on that. i am now 46 years old and tired of this lifestyle. i am not married and i have no children so my habit is harming no one else but me....at least superficially. i have always been a bit on the introverted side, at least in my mind, and given to mild bouts of, not depression maybe but feelings of lethargy and sadness. my drive to PMO peaked in my 20's and early thirties when occasionally i would use drugs like speed to enhance the experience. like most men my lust has taken me to areas of the internet that, after i have come to as it were, i am ashamed to have ended up. as i type there is a long list of urls i have saved in an email address dedicated to gratifying this need that i intend to delete as soon as i have posted this thread. its going to be difficult as it has been a real labour of love that has been growing for years and years. not looking forward to pressing delete. i have deleted the little porn i have on my computer but that is truly minimal compared to the alladins cave of porn available to me with just a few clicks online. i am also aware that after moments of stress i often go into auto pilot and before i know it, it is once again the jack off hour. anyway, i am on day 3 of my current attempt and i anticipate it being a challenge as i have a potentially stressful few months ahead of me for various reasons i wont go into. the moment of orgasm is like a full body sigh of relief that momentarily salves all the aches and pent up negative feelings that i hide from myself and i will have to negotiate the coming months without that crutch, as it were, to lean on.

    anyway, if you have any words of advice please feel free to respond. i am off to delete that list now.....
     
    nycewon, Jan 13, 2019
    nycewon, Jan 13, 2019
    #1
  2. Jan 13, 2019 #2
    Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Get to 10 days and nofap gets "somewhat" easier, but not totally easy.
     
    Ra's Al Ghul, Jan 13, 2019
    Ra's Al Ghul, Jan 13, 2019
    #2
  3. Jan 13, 2019 #3
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

     
    Deleted Account, Jan 13, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jan 13, 2019
    #3
  4. Jan 13, 2019 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

     
    Deleted Account, Jan 13, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jan 13, 2019
    #4
  5. Jan 13, 2019 #5
    Unibet

    Unibet Fapstronaut

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    Very true
    After 10 days it gets easier
     
    Unibet, Jan 13, 2019
    Unibet, Jan 13, 2019
    #5
    Ra's Al Ghul likes this.
  6. Jan 13, 2019 #6
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Sorry about the posting error. I am still learning this process....

    Well, my friend, you are here because you have recognized that there's a problem and you need help. Thus this website. I am new to this, being on day 20. Sometimes climbing the walls, but overall coping with my new life change.
    I have been hypothesizing that there may be a strong correlation with PMO and anxiety/depression issues. This may be a bit premature but I have noticed a definite improvement in my mental state in terms of depression, which has mildly plagued me for many years. Perhaps the two are related? I wish you much success with this journey. Stand strong. There's a lot to gain.
     
    Deleted Account, Jan 13, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jan 13, 2019
    #6
  7. Jan 13, 2019 #7
    thorswrath32

    thorswrath32 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hi, I know it's tough and it wont be easy but if you are truly determined to try and overcome it you will with the right support. I can't stress enough the importance of having support, so that you do not have to deal with this in secrecy. Part of the reason why porn addiction develops i believe is due to the secretive and taboo nature of it. lets face it it's not a 'hobby' you would want to put on your CV to an employer yet we all know many many people do it.

    You sound a lot like i used to be and would like to point you to my first ever post on this forum here:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...he-line-from-immorality-to-criminality.99655/

    I hope you gain some insight from it.

    I will also recommend a couple of books that you can read to get a better understanding

    1) In the shadows of the net by Dr Patrick Carnes
    2) Pornland (how porn has hijacked our sexuality) by Gail Dines
    3) Your brain on porn by Gary Wilson
     
    thorswrath32, Jan 13, 2019
    thorswrath32, Jan 13, 2019
    #7
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Jan 14, 2019 #8
    N05A9

    N05A9 Fapstronaut

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    I hope you are well Nycewon!

    I hope you deleted the porn email! It's tough but don't you feel good afterwards?

    Depression and PMO feel linked to me. I feel sad, I M, serotonin is dumped, I feel great, then it wears off and I sink lower so I M again! Vicious cycle.

    If you feel you suffer from depression, please go seek help!

    Stay strong!!!
     
    N05A9, Jan 14, 2019
    N05A9, Jan 14, 2019
    #8

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